To have an amazing life is to be the hero of your story. Discover that everyone goes through adversity and anxiety to find their purpose. Stay strong so that you can be an influence on others. These are the things Dr. Tracey Jones learned from her father and her time in the military. Listen to Tracey as she is joined by Ken Gerber of Your Amazing Life Podcast on how to live to the fullest. Tracey believes that everyone can live a tremendous life; it just takes time. Learn the importance of books, how to fight anxiety, the difference between power and influence, and more in this episode.

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Your Amazing Life Interview

Ken Gerber & Dr. Tracey C Jones

We have Dr. Tracey Jones who is an author, speaker, veteran, publisher, podcaster, and international leadership expert who is serving as the President of Tremendous Leadership. She is a graduate of the United States Air Force Academy, a decorated veteran who served in the First Gulf War and the Bosnian War. She is the author of ten titles, five of which are children's books. One of them, SPARK is an Amazon release. You have been reading personal development books most of your life, Tracey. What difference do you think that has made for you?

It made all the difference in the world. I have to tell you, my father was a bookaholic. He was a book pusher. He flunked out of school in the eighth grade. His mother left him, was abused, came out of the Depression-era and was born in the South. Everything was against my father. Charlie "Tremendous" Jones said when I was a young girl, “You're going to be the same person that you are today five years ago, except for two things, the people you meet and the books you read.” He was the living embodiment of that. I tell people that I picked up How to Win Friends & Influence People before The Poky Little Puppy. He was very much, “You're going to read good content and you're going to fill your brain with great stuff. Trash in, trash out. Good in, good out." That's how we earned our allowance too.

We all had jobs, and we worked and volunteered. We would read personal development books and autobiographies like How to Win Friends & Influence People, The Power of Positive Thinking and Pilgrim’s Progress. All of this great foundational literature taught me that no matter how I feel or how I act, everything begins in my mind, As A Man Thinketh. I did not like that growing up because I wanted to play, goof around and watch stupid stuff on TV, the Boob Tube. He took the TVs out of the house when we were growing u. He was like, “You don't need to watch this stuff.”

I'm so thankful for it now. I was like, "Why can't you be normal? Why do you have to be so weird?" Thank God for that bizarre upbringing because, in the end, it built this awareness, this resiliency and this willingness. I don't have to fear failure because I've read that the great people all went through way tougher stuff than I'm ever going to go through.

Can it help me understand adversity as my friend? It's there to teach me and I control through my habits how I feel and how I process with this beautiful frontal lobe cortex. I heeded that all the time because there were times in my different careers where I was on a need-to-know basis, not a need to grow. Eventually, the pain got so severe that I said, “I got to get back to my roots,” and so it made all the difference in the world.

Tell me about the goal of changing the world one book at a time.

Amazing Life: Step back and let God through. Stop blocking your blessings and start getting intentional with your habits so that you get a little bit clearer on your purpose every day.

In my research and what I am most fascinated about is what I call the Imago Dei, what God calls the God seed in all of us. I exist in this world to serve others by helping them liberate the greatness within them. A lot of people may feel like, “Tracey, you had this upbringing where you sat under the tutelage of all these different people,” and that was an incredible blessing.

Other people have been around great people and they have not absorbed it. There are two things. You have to have this enabling context, but the person has to be open to being willing to accept it. Books are the one thing, especially now with these things in our hand that you can podcast. Back in the day, you'd have to order and wait until your book got here by snail mail or go to the library.

There was always this resource. We want to let people know that all it takes is that one book right at the right time where it transforms your life. Just like some people have come into my life at the right moment for such a time as this, and I was willing to hear it, and it changed my life. A book can do the same thing. That's what my father was. He was an unbelievable speaker and he had a presence that made you feel like you were the most wonderful person on the planet. He also let you know, “I'm going to leave and you're going to go back into the trenches. You need these books because the more you read, the more you reprogram up here, and then you reprogram in here, and then you go out into the world a different person.”

I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm a veteran also and I have lots of veteran friends. Many of them do not like the title of hero. I think that everyone should embrace this hero and find out how they can be the hero to the world.

That’s true. Remember, what you went through in life is like some people say, “I'm not a leader.” Yes, you are. If you woke up, you have successfully navigated 100% of the challenges that came your way. Thank you for your service and people say to me, “You went there,” and I said, “It was an honor.” Anybody that works to develop themselves is a leader, even if you're only leading yourself.

Anybody that goes out there and puts something higher than themselves before themselves, which we in the military did when we took that oath, “It's no longer my life. It's Uncle Sam's.” You are truly a hero. Parents are heroes. They give up whatever for the dreams of their kids. People in nonprofits and people in organizations slave all night so that they can work hard and get the paycheck for other people to be able to draw on income. These are all things that make people heroes.

When you are showing up to be the best that you can be and pouring that back into the world, that is the true definition of a hero. We know it when we see it but as you said it, we're our own worst enemy. Until you can get rid of that stinking thinking or as Zig Ziglar would say, “You need a checkup from the neck up,” I want to shake them and say, “You are a hero.”

When was the first time you said, “Reading helped me through the situation?”

As a little girl, but then I got away from it. I'll tell you when due to the topic that you're talking about. It was 2014 and I had lost my soul dog, Mr. Blue. I lost my once-in-a-lifetime dog. I've had many dogs since Mr. Blue. If God had a dog, it would have been Mr. Blue. He was it. I had come through a divorce and I left the military. Everything that I thought was going to be my world forever was gone. I had this loss of him. In 2015, I had a lawsuit and in 2016 I lost my brother due to addiction. I was falling apart physically, mentally, professionally, spiritually and financially. I almost ran the business into the ground.

I was like, “How can I sit here and say life is tremendous. I don't think it's very tremendous.” Do you know what I did? I went back to school because I thought, “If I can't interact with people right now, I've got to get in my headspace,” and that's when I went back for my PhD. It was the best thing I could have done because I had to get out of my own way. I had to relearn my horrible habits and get on the path. I see other people on the path. Why can't I be on the path? I know I can get on the path but I've got to do the work. I read a book called The Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud. He's one of my favorite authors.

Safe People, Necessary Endings and Boundaries. I give Necessary Endings out to everybody and they are like, “Thank you so much for giving me that.” There's so much bad out there. I'm sorry, folks. It's not a utopia. We live in a fallen world, but you put up the boundaries and you only allow in the good, and that's not selfish. That's the way it needs to be.

In his book, The Power of the Other, I realized that I had all these people in my life. I had all these thoughts, these things, this stuff and these habits, but these were not good habits. They weren't necessarily bad but in keeping them in my space, I had to get rid of them to prune away the dead disease or non-value-added, so I could open it up to the wonderful people that were my true advocates.

Not my fairweather friends or not just an acquaintance, but I realized, “I got to get very intentional about dialing in my health and my finances. That means I need to seek out the wisdom of these people and the rest of the stuff. I seek out the time sucks, the emotional vampires, the sugar, the buying stuff because it was high. I went crazy for the next four years. It’s crazy as far as people would say, "Don't do it all at once," but I was in such a state of duress. For three years after Mr. Blue had passed, I was in a low-grade state of depression. That took a physical toll on my body. My adrenal gland was shot.

I would sleep probably fifteen hours a day. I had no joy and I was like, “Something is wrong.” They are like, “All your medical stuff is good,” and I'm like, “Something is wrong. I cannot be this profoundly sad and tired all the time.” I went and I had a hormone panel done of eighteen vials and found out that pain, that stress and that angst.

Norman Vincent Peale said, "Anxiety has killed more people on the planet than anything else." I am not talking about if you have a diagnosed mental illness. My brother had that. I'm talking about we let the world sink us. We need to be strong, adaptive, robust, regenerative and say, “No.” I had my 30-minute pity party and I'm like, “What are you going to do, Tracey? Are you going to quit? You can't quit. Get back in there.” That’s what this little still voice said.

It wasn't like I woke up and the birds were chirping like in Snow White, the deer were coming in and the customers were calling. It was about a five-year process but it was well worth it because little by little, I felt better. I got stuff under control. I had the right people and I had these wonderful affirmations that, “Yes, Tracey. You're on the right path.” I pulled myself out of the valley.

The beautiful part of the valley is there's rock bottom. Valleys only go so deep. They are not a bottomless pit. Once you hit it, you’ve got to suit up and get your right traveling partners, right knowledge, the right mindset, and begin that upward climb. I did it by asking for help and by asking for the right advocates.

Amazing Life: The true definition of a hero is when you show up to be the best you can be and pour that back into the world.

Henry Cloud's book is all about advocates. An advocate is somebody that wants your success more than even you want it. They were all out there but I, my ego, my pride and my fear were like, “I can do this. I've been to war. Can I run a little publishing company?” None of us has meant to go through life alone. A lone sheep is a dead sheep. We are coded for attachment and to be in community and fellowship. That's why 2020 was so hard on people and we still had to work at it.

Books can be your community. If you can't get out or you have health compromised issues, I'm not asking you to put on the line for that. When I realized the advocates, I went out and I had to be very intentional and they were all there. They didn't scold me like, “We were watching you go off the rails. What took you so long?” They were like, “What can we do for you? Who do you want me to connect you with?”

Everybody's like, “You had those people,” and I'm like, “You have them too.” You'll find them. I call them Sherpas. They are all over scattered throughout your life but you can't see them until you're ready to see them, and you're ready to ask for help and authorize them, and then you're going to activate what they've told you and do it. There's a term in the military that we say, "Peeing in the wind.” Don't do that.

You were in the Air Force and you're a Gulf War veteran. What did you learn through that?

We went out there and we were in our base X. We were out in the Emirates, which was a cool place to see. What I love most of all about the Gulf War was we went over there with a clear plan of attack. In other words, we let them know and we all landed early. We sat there for about four months. We went over in August. We sat there until January. The 16th was the deadline.

We all sat there. We’ve built everything up and we gave them time and said, “You have until this time to go.” I was a young Second Lieutenant. I was like, “This is very cool.” We went over. We were singular in our focus and we gave them a timeline. We hoped for the best but we expected the worst. Meaning that in those four months, we got more and more collaborations.

It was like NATO. We had all these different people on our base. I would go hang out with the Italians and all the different people. It was such a collective thing where the world stood together and said, “This isn't a right thing. We need to stand together.” That's what I remember most. It was the fact that it was so collaborative and so focused, and then when we're done, we're off. It was a great thing to see as a young officer, but it also ruined me because not everything was that clear and nonpolitical. I was like, “I know I'll never see anything like this again.” I was right but it was wonderful.

I went to New Mexico Military Institute and the Air Force Academy. I had five years of military school. I can remember when we got the call. I told my mom, “We're going to get the call. We're going to go away.” My Colonel called me in and he's like, “Are you ready to go?” I said, “If you go without me, I'm going to be very upset.” He's like, “Okay.” It's not that I'm a Warhawk or I love death, but when I go to serve, it's like people that are doctors. I want to serve.

How could I say, “No, don't go? I'm scared.” I wouldn't be a very good officer. If you ever saw the movie Hacksaw Ridge about a gentleman that was a conscientious objector. He still wanted to serve as a medic even though he didn't want to pick up a gun. I was most inspired by what I had gone to school for and what I had given my life to in the military. I was getting to be in the higher purpose. That's what I remember of it and it was a glorious time. It was a wonderful learning experience.

What is the difference between influence and power?

Power is a directed-down thing. The military is very much like that. Not that they aren't great leaders. Do it. It's a DVO, Direct Verbal Order. You get Article 15, court-martialed. Even if you talk to somebody with a sarcastic attitude, that's conduct unbecoming or insubordination. There's no, “I don't want to or I don't feel like it.” There are no feelings in the military, nor should there be because you're there to protect. Not to feel but protect and defend against all enemies, foreign and domestic. When I left the military, I went into project management with Applied Materials in Austin, Texas. As a project manager, anybody out there has done that. You're responsible for everything as far as timeline and budget, but nobody works directly for you. You have no direct reports.

You have to get it done through influence, which means that you've got to build trust and social capital. You've got to be seen as credible. You’ve got to have this future vision that you can look ahead to. You've got to be a great politician in a field that you're able to work among different silos, and bring them together to create this finished product, and put it out there so the company can draw revenue in. Influence taught me. I always loved influence because I grew up with my father who was in life insurance. In personal development, you don't get people to develop by hammering them.

That was the military and that was cool. I always had this strong influence streak. It was cool to go into the civilian sector then and go, “Now you get to do this,” while also understanding the beautiful processes, boundaries and rules of the military, which also have a good place. That’s Henry Cloud’s Boundaries. Leadership is poetry and plumbing. You have the very esoteric, "I want you to feel me as a leader. I want this social capital. I want you to trust me," but the plumbing is if we don't get results, nobody's getting paid, the lights go off and the doors get locked.

I love this soft and hard side of everything. I think both my experiences in both those worlds were a nice way for me to see the importance of both. There are times where you tip more to your influence side. There are times where you have the tip to your power side. It depends if it's a crisis or you better tip to your power side. If it's not or if it's better to be relational than right, then you tip to your influence side. It all depends.

What do you think is an amazing life?

The Power Of The Other: The Startling Effect Other People Have On You, From The Boardroom To The Bedroom And Beyond- And What To Do About It

An amazing life is where you have dialed in you and your purpose, not what you think you should be. This is tough because we've got our imprinting and our genetic coding. We've got our influences, which are some good or some bad. It’s what all of us here grew up with. We've got our aspirations. Where do we want to go? Life after ten starts layering this nonsense on you. Your mother will make a frown on something you said. You'll have a bad teacher that makes you feel terrible if you fail a test. You have a friend that betrays you or a lover and you don't trust anybody again. Life is about peeling that off.

I think that your purest tremendous life is you get cleared and you have everything in you. You need to unlock the Imago Dei. I am a person of faith. If I can have the mind, the strength and the power of Christ, bring it on. Why would I not want that? When you dial this in, then you can say, “It's not just me because I got my feeble little broken mind,” but you get infused with the greatest advocate. I can see things because things are being shown to me and you get this God nods. People don’t start coming into your life. Before I'd be like, “Whatever.” Finally, I was so broken that I had to try it because I'm like, “I have nothing left in my quiver to try. I then went to war. I'm not weak and I’m not a quitter but I was done. It was over. There was nothing else I could do.

My tremendous life was when I finally stepped back. I let go and I let God. I stopped blocking my own blessings and I started getting intentional with my habits, my thoughts and my people. Every day, I get a little bit clear on my purpose. The purpose should be two words. I exist on this planet to serve. Kevin McCarthy taught me this. A verb and a noun. Mine is liberating greatness. I want other people to realize, no matter if you're 1 or 100, the best is yet to come. I want to work to help people get that infusion and that spark.

Dialing that in and in whatever way that manifests itself, be it podcasting, books, writing and publishing, it all goes up to my mothership of why I'm put on this planet, and what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life and have it. Once you dial that in, it doesn't matter what the naysayers say. You can feel quitting, but you know you're not going to quit. You may not feel it but you know it.

Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich, “You know your thoughts and your purpose.” Once you dial those two things in, everything else clicks in and you are unstoppable. You may have some detours and some setbacks, but nothing is going to stop you because you're going to be able to keep moving. You're doing your destiny. It's like The Blues Brothers, "We’re on a mission from God." Nothing is going to stop you from getting there.

If you only had three ideas that you could leave for this world and your posterity, what three ideas would you leave for them?

Three ideas that I would leave, number one is to write a book about your experiences because your experience is your expertise. My father always told me that things don't happen to us to break us down. Things happen to us to build us up so that we can become a mentor and more empathetic for somebody else. Nobody likes the good stuff because that doesn't happen that often.

I would want everybody to realize whatever you've been through, good, bad or ugly, write your stuff down and share it with people. You went through this and you were victorious. Somebody needs your input. I also would commit to at least fifteen minutes a day of reading great stuff. That's all you need and gradually, you'll see you want more and more, but make a commitment. The other thing is every night before you go to bed, I want you to do a divine experience where you imagined if tomorrow was the greatest day of your life, what would it look like?

As you are falling asleep, don't think about what you didn't get done and what you're stressed about. Your subconscious is waiting to catapult you higher than Bezos and those guys ever went. Let your subconscious do the work but you've got to get the conscious out of the way. Every night before you go to bed, think about your most blessed day tomorrow. Dream off and drift off. As you develop this habit, your subconscious is finally going to go, “Now we get to take the lead and start getting these things out there.”

How do my readers connect with you?

There are two ways. You can go to TremendousLeadership.com or TraceyCJones.com. The Tracey C. Jones is more my speaking and my courses. Tremendous Leadership is all our books and our publishing. If you sign up for our email, you get two free weeks of eBook downloads. You can start the fifteen minutes and they are these sweet little books.

You go, “I don't like to read.” Look at these. We sell thousands of these every year. Here's my newest one coming out, a little sample one. You can read those and you can reach out there. Our podcast is on there. If you want to publish, you can reach out and all our LinkedIn. To our readers out there, please do connect and send me an email. I'd love to be an advocate or a resource for you.

Somebody once told me, “You don't have to know everything, but you have to know everybody.” Since I woke up with Henry Cloud's book, I have a very robust connection network, and that's 90% of the battle. I would love to extend that to everybody out there because somebody did it to me. You're doing it for me, Ken, and I want to do it for you and your audience.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

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If you were tired of suffering, beating up on yourself, overreacting, breaking your word and these things happening over and over again, if you want to struggle less and enjoy more if you want a truly amazing life that is connected and complete, then you need the You Have Value Program. If you are willing to make some changes or stop chasing comfort, then I would love to help you create who you are capable of becoming.

Contact me at Ken@CreatingYourAmazing.life or the number is (801) 449-0750. I want each of you to know, I appreciate each and every one of you, my friends. This show is for you. If I said something that resonated, I would love to hear about it. Go ahead and contact me. Go through either the Facebook group or Calendly. You can sponsor some of the episodes. If you haven't done so yet, please subscribe to the show and leave a rating and review. I would love to discuss how you can use these tools and others to get to your amazing life.