If you're looking to take your leadership skills to the next level, you're in the right place. In this episode, Bonita Hightower will share with us what the best leaders do differently and how they can help you become more successful. Other than being a successful businesswoman that opened Bonita’s restaurant, Bonita Hightower is a wife, mother, grandmother, an army veteran, and leader in so many ways. Tune in as we have a fruitful discussion on all things leadership!

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Bonita Hightower - Leaders On Leadership

I am so excited because I have one of our very own Tremendous Leadership fans, the one and only Bonita Hightower. Bonita, thank you for being here.

You're welcome.

We have a couple of other guests on here. I will let Bonita introduce them, but I want to tell you a little bit about this powerhouse of a woman here. Bonita is a mover and a shaker. She's a businesswoman, wife, mother, grandmother, and a respected Army Veteran. I love that. She's a speaker and an encourager. Bonita and her husband, Willie, opened Bonita's Restaurant in Plains, Georgia in 2015. Bonita enjoys preparing down home Southern cooking made from scratch. She has many loyal customers, but famous people have enjoyed her food as well.

President Jimmy Carter and his wife, Rosalynn, love the convenience of Bonita's delicious carryout orders. Adding value to other people's lives is the hallmark of Bonita's life. Serving others in her business and serving others through various ministry endeavors, motivates her thoughts and actions each and every day. Bonita, I'm so excited to talk all things leadership with you.

Thank you, Tracey. You too.

We've emailed, and she has been a loyal customer of ours. When we finally connected, it was like, "Where have you been all my life?" There were many beautiful values things from the military to motivating others to being a new author to being a sister in Christ. I'm excited to unpack the price of leadership. Without further ado, you want to hear from Bonita and her guests. We're going to go ahead and get started. Bonita, could you quickly introduce the two other guests you have?

I'm more than happy to. I have Gwendolyn Rhenwrick who is a divine connection. I met her several years ago. She was the guest of a Georgia Legislator who I was honored in Preston for years of being in service at the capital. She was his honored guest. Everybody was wondering who was John White going to bring to this celebration party, and it was Gwen. We connected right off the bat because of what her call is.

We grew together to understand that swimming is very important. Many people lose their lives because they don't know how to swim and they love the water. That was my call when I heard that the children are drowning because they do not know how to swim. That's another segment of my life, but that's how I met Gwendolyn Rhenwrick.

Next is my oldest daughter, Helena Nicole Taylor, a Retired 1st Sergeant, who served 22 years in our United States Army Services. She has gone places that I've never gone to and don't intend to go to. She served in hostile areas. She has lost troops. Her suggestions were not honored by the higher-ups, but in the final analysis, they should have listened. Her 22 years were not easy. As a matter of fact, when she retired, I thought I retired because I was right there every step of the way with her.

Those are the two awesome women in my life. They're very strong and they know what they’ve got to do. My daughter is the MC for my first book signing. She told me what to do, "You need to do this." I said, "Do it. I'll follow. Tell me what to do." I don't have any problems with that, but that's who is on my left and right. That's who is with me.

Thank you, Bonita, for bringing Helen and Gwendolyn. Ladies, we look forward to unpacking some tidbits here and knowing more about you on the show as well. Let's go ahead and unpack this leadership. My father wrote a speech many years ago called The Price of Leadership. In it, he outlined the four things that you are going to have to be paying as a leader if you are going to be a true leader and not a leader in name only.

Ladies, we have a lot of people that say they're leaders, but they are not paying the price. The first thing he talked about was loneliness. You will experience loneliness as a leader. We've all heard that it's lonely at the top. We know Jesus had to go off into the desert for days on his own if you watched The Chosen. There are times you have to be alone, but could you unpack for us ladies what loneliness looked like for you and your leadership journey and how you dealt with it, and any wisdom or insights that you would give to our audience that may be in a season of loneliness right now?

Do you want me to start?

I'd love to Bonita if you'd start.

Leadership is something that you know you have been called to do. It's not something that you look over and you see somebody else that you might think is leading and you want to be like that. It's not that at all. Bottom line, you have to know that you have been called into that leadership role and then you have to accept that. I can say this freely on this show because Tracey is a Christian base. That knowing comes from deep within.

If you don't have it from there, then you're fooling yourself. You're shooting yourself in the foot because to be called to leadership is what it is, loneliness. No doubt about it. Don't kid ourselves. This is part of the package. I've been called to leadership. "I don't know exactly what all I got to do, but I'm going to embrace this that I feel deep within me."

It's part of the package. I was in the military too. Our readers know that. We have all been there. As a leader when you see what needs to be done and you say things, that is a terrible, lonely thing where people are like, "No, we're doing something else." Can you unpack that a little bit for us, Helena? We've all been there.

When I was being in these positions, I had to understand what my role was, and what called me to do the duty. I had to know that in and out. When I was questioned and I was questioned often, I knew that I was filing regulatory guidance. I knew that in the end that regulatory guidance would come to bat for me. Now, that's the secular part.

Biblically, I knew that God was with me. I knew that he would give me the courage to stand in front of that opposition often and state what it is. Do not bat an eye. Do not shutter, but say what it is and move out, and smart. I thought that was very important. As my mother stated, it can get lonely but I'm not alone.

I may not have something tangible in my eyes that I can touch, but He is walking with me. He is moving those mountains that are mountains. They are mountains. Without him, I would not have made it for 22 years, but it's because of that. It's very important to know that your help is more than a tangible person. He's the God. He is the Alpha and Omega. When you know that, you can walk there.

Helena, you said that you may not be able to see it, but you know. We've been in battle. We've been to war and you can't always see your commander-in-chief right there, but you know and trust. I love that you said that. For anybody out there, you can do it the secular way and have to know somebody's there approving of you, but there are going to be times, I don't care if you're the most brilliant leader in the world where you're alone. That's where the Holy Spirit is the greatest co-commander of your life of all. Thank you, Helena. Gwendolyn, how about you? Did you ever have a time when you encountered loneliness?

I'm in the phase of my most loneliness right now in pursuing and bringing the purpose that I was given a number of years by God, or this gift that I was given by God a number of years ago to bring into fruition and where he wants it to be right now and reaching out and changing minds. It's a very difficult task. I call myself a change agent. To change the thoughts and mindset about things in terms of life and saving lives. That's my motto and that's the assignment that I was given to save lives and that's where the swimming comes in.

Right now, I'm at a place where there is not sometimes always the opportunity to have access to like-minded folks that can discuss exactly where I am or what's going on. To be in that area that I'm pursuing and make changes. With Bonita, even though we are in different professions and our work is different, we are still at the same place of working to bring them forth.

Where I am right now is probably my loneliest because my purpose is growing and moving into various areas that I haven't moved into before. It's coming together. I've had to go through many barriers and dynamics, but right now, it's taking shape. That means having to stay put, still, quiet, isolated, and call forth and pray quite a bit and ask God for directions and listen to that voice and those directions. For me, right now, is probably a place where I'm at my loneliest as things grow.

Thank you for your transparency. A lot of people think, "When I find my purpose, I'm going to wake up and it's all going to be different." That's false. The more you dial in your purpose, the more alone you're probably going to feel because you are calling is only your calling and God has to work that out in you. Thank you so much for sharing that because anybody might quit their purpose, and they're like, "Why isn't everybody celebrating it?" I'm like, "This is between you and God." You have to go through this, and if he doesn't give it to you alone, this has nothing to do with anybody else so thank you so much.

We talked about loneliness. The next thing my dad talked about is weariness. Helena, you know this and we all know this, you are going to have to be doing more than what you should be doing because there are people that aren't doing what they're supposed to be doing. It's s life. People complain about them, and I'm like, "It's life. We have to deal with it." How do you all stay at your top fighting form in business and ministry as mothers, spouses, and leaders? How do you combat weariness? Bonita, I'll start with you.

When you are divinely called to that role of leadership in every fold has not unfolded yet, but because I was divinely called. My catalyst for keeping going is the word of God. It tells me, "Do not grow weary in my well-doing," and that's it in the nutshell. That's what you said earlier, that's what I'm piggybacking on and I'm going to keep building within the last two because they are all a part of the divine package.

Do not grow weary in my well-doing.

Bonita, you had hit on it. The word starts in your mind. I don't care if you feel tired, that's your emotions. You start here, the word can then give you the energy, the divine package that you're talking about. I love that you went back to the word. I don't care if you feel tired, feelings mean nothing. We're going right back to the word and we have the mind of Christ.

That's exactly word the I've had hidden in my heart. The spirit knows you are weary. You need to know you are weary, but then when you acknowledge the truth, the truth comes and sends you the lifejacket.

I love that. Helena, how about you? You've been weary. How do you combat weariness?

Yes. When I become weary, it is because I'm not at my work. When I think, "I got this, God. I told you to do this one thing, but I got this one little piece of the task." As soon as I started, I become very weary, very overwhelmed, very anxious, and all of these adjectives. I say, "Helena, stop. What's wrong here? You are not centering the center of gravity on God. You're centering it on you and you're going to mess it up. Get back to the truth."

As soon as I do that, everybody's listening and soldiers are doing what they need to do. My husband's doing what he needs to do. That's how that works, but when I'm far and when I can do it on my own, that's when I don't. I have to quiet myself as Miss Gwendolyn said. "Lord, I must repent. I'm way out in the left field to get me back over there where I'm supposed to be. Please," and he does.

Gwendolyn, how about you? How do you combat weariness?

It's so interesting that we talking about this. I've been the head of the household and been running it where I raised my sons and with family, jobs, college education, and experiences. I recognized these shoulders were carrying too much. Sometimes didn't give me enough time to focus on what I need to be doing with what God said I need to be doing.

Most folks, family, and all of that don't usually understand that. You still have to move forward. What I have done, I started minimalizing and eliminating those things that weren't factors that were not going to move me forward with what God's will was. That meant materially. I had to let go of things and people. I had to get to myself and decide to get rid of the weariness so I could completely start focusing on what it is that I am to accomplish on this earth. I had to start eliminating those factors that were keeping me from that. That's what I've done.

Get rid of the weariness so you can completely start focusing on what you are to accomplish on this earth.

I started what I like to call purging. It's been very scary because I didn't have folks in there to replace them. I stayed patient with what God wanted to wait on him and send those replacements. Once I made room, got rid of those, and made those sacrifices of eliminating those things that were not moving me forward, I started getting more energized, and that's where I am now.

The weariness starts declining and it'll creep up and I'll get angry with myself. I'll get a little lazy when I'm weary. I'll sleep a little bit and take a little time. That's how I work with it for the last few years to eliminate those things and move forward with doing what I'm doing now. Taking another step. Anyway, I hope that helps.

It does. That tease up the third principle that you're going to have to pay, which is abandonment. Abandonment gets a negative thing like, "You were abandoned." When my father talks about leadership and I'm like, "How'd you get so successful?" He would say, "I do more today to contribute to my failure than my success." I'm like, "What?" He was like, "It's abandonment."

That means we need to stop doing what we like and want to do and start doing what we ought and need to do. It was this hyper-focus and you hit on it and Helena being in the military where you got to stay mission-focused. Bonita, with all these beautiful things going on in your life, God calls us to many different things, but how do you stay focused? Gwendolyn hit on it that it's the best and highest use of your time.

Abandonment is very essential. I'm always going to go back to that first thing. I'm divinely called. I have to qualify what I accept and what I don't accept where I go or will I not go? It has to be qualified. We have a knowing as Christian believers who are awake. We don't need to be doing that. It'll talk to you like I'm talking on this show. It's not coming in some scary voice or anything. It's something that you probably don't want to listen to, but you need to. What is this going to do for what I've been called to do? If it doesn't fit, then it's like me trying to wear two left shoes. In other words, qualifying what it is or what I'm being called to and asked to do. Sit still and qualify it. You'll get your answers. The answer will come. The bottom line, you don't have time to waste.

Even though God redeems the time, we want to be good stewards, and the biggest mistake I've ever made, you call it qualifying, is when I didn't vet the person and opportunity. I didn't ask God. "It sounds good. The Holy Spirit brought it." Helena, how about you? Can you talk to us about abandonment and how you stay on point?

I did struggle with this in the military. I would sometimes feel like my commander was abandoning me. I was his counterpart. I had to understand that he had a role and I had a role. Sometimes we're not going to say the same thing, but we're still getting the same end result. This allowed me to hone in on my faith. I had to tighten up my bootstraps and my faith walk because I couldn't see and I didn't understand. I consistently felt abandoned by him.

I would talk to him about, "Where are we at? Are we together? Are we not?" In the end, we were, but the Lord said, "Trust in me. I will work with him and you, but you have to have faith in me. You cannot have faith in him. If you have faith in him, you will feel abandoned. You will consistently fill out your outside of the game. Helena, get back in the game with me," and he will. In order to believe it, you have to have read it. In order to read it, that means that you had it deep within your heart. When going through, "I walk through the valley," not sit there, and eat a hamburger. You have to stay focused and move in faith. You won't be abandoned.

In order to believe it, you have to have read it. In order to read it, that means that you had it deep within your heart.

I even heard that with marriage, you don't grow together as husband and wife. You both grow to God and that's how you get closer to one another. That's not just a marital thing, that's a relationship thing, even with your children. Closer to God yields closer to one another in the relationship. Thank you, Helena. Gwendolyn, how about you with abandonment? You hit on your pruning and stuff like that and that's what abandonment is. It's getting rid of the things that are not the highest use of your time.

It's so important to say that these topics are so very on point for me right now in this walk where I am at this age. I am still struggling, at one time, through lots of prayers, with the abandonment of my adult sons. I had a very good relationship with them as they grew up. They are now, both professionals, and got their own families doing exceptionally well with their families, but the relationship and the connection that we had no longer exist.

I challenged myself and struggled hard with letting them go. My oldest one is 41, so he's good as an adult and a very solid young man and my youngest one is 39. They both have their own families and wonderful relationships. Both of them have been in good marriages for the last several years. They both got married and left to go on their own right in a few months. I didn't have time to adjust to moving from a mother to a mother-in-law. It's been a very difficult thing for me to feel as if sometimes I don't talk with them as well as much anymore because they're full of their lives and their own families.

That's the phase where I feel abandoned but through God and prayer. He said, "Let them go." He allowed me to see that they had done everything I wanted them to do and they are still doing very well. For me, that's very important right now. That's the most important relationship. That's my family. That's one of the areas that I admire with Bonita completely because she seems to be able to juggle her business and her relationships with her family, grandchildren, and daughters. I admire that completely. That's one of the areas that I cherish my relationship with her is because I get a chance to see how it works and she keeps going.

That's the disconnect and the place of abandonment that I am working on both spiritually and relationally. I had some good things happen with that. God opened doors and brought those relationships back to me. I had to stay put stay and quiet, but he's bringing them back that way. That's where I am with abandonment. All of these topics your dad put forth are right now very significant to me in this present place.

Gwendolyn, thanks again for your transparency and your honesty. I'll tell you that also brought up a thing, a twist on abandonment. When God closes a chapter or takes you out of something or puts you in loneliness and you do feel abandoned. When Bonita came out of the military, she felt abandoned because she was not one of the troops anymore, but there are seasons that come and go. Thank you for sharing that. We get a calling too, but you're still departing from something that was once in your life. Given God's glory that your heart is there and congratulations on raising such beautiful young men. The world needs more of that. You too, Bonita.

Loneliness, weariness, abandonment, and the last one we have is vision. My father is a pragmatist, a beautiful incredible motivator, and an eighth-grade dropout. It's not anything mystical. You don't have to have the IQ of Einstein or be Oprah or Mark Zuckerberg. He just said, "Vision is seeing what needs to be done and then doing it." Bonita, could you unpack the vision for us, and what it means for you? I know what you're going to say, but I never get tired of hearing it.

The words from loneliness, weariness, abandonment then vision, which is the foundation. The Bible simply says, "Without a vision, my people will perish." Without having something that you can physically see. Not only did you see it, but you also embraced it because you heard or read it. I remember the one scripture that the Holy Spirit showed me was Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you." I remember my reaction. I said, "God, you got a plan? I need to do nothing but learn how to follow."

With that, I didn't see all of the things that he was telling me about how he was going to use me as his ambassador or his spokesperson. He told me, "Go study." General Colin Powell, look at what he did when he went to these different countries. He didn't speak on his own, but he spoke from the presidency. That's where he spoke from. He could only deliver the message that was given to him.

The vision, what he spoke to me is the one that has kept me rock solid in my valley days. Nobody knew what I was going through, but the vision held me steady. The vision taught me how to think. Hearing God's voice telling me, "Do this and that. Don't do this or don't do that." He used the military as a point of reference because he knew I knew how to soldier. He knew I knew how to take raw troops and make them into the lean mean fighting machine because I had that training as a drill sergeant. He would use the military to show me the world how to operate.

I had to learn how to operate in the spirit because the Bible is nothing but a spiritual weapon, but we don't look at it. We bring our colonel mindset and try to work it on our own. Both of these ladies have said is when you try to do it on your own, you are on your own, but when you use the word to guide, lead, and teach you, it's a no-brainer.

You sit back in the world, and even your closest friend or family says, "What are you doing?" "Nothing, because I'm at a place that I don’t have to do.” When you sow the seed, the farmer doesn't go back out there and dig that rascal up. We live around farmers. My children were raised around farmers. Gwendolyn would love to come out there where I live. She says, "You're right. You are this open." I don't see no farmer going out there digging up peanut seeds or cotton seeds when a storm has been posted. They leave that rascal in the ground.

That's what we have to do with our vision. Once we've embraced it, loneliness is coming and I'm holding on. For weariness, I'm holding on. For abandonment, "Don't sit over here. Bye-bye." Holding on steady. I have the freedom on your thing to talk about the word. The word is what got me free from my mental poverty mindset. That's all that had to change because the word is a change maker. Romans 12:1-2 says, transform this thing. "How do you do it?" It's by the word. Joshua 1:8, do this every day in and day out. That's a guarantee you can take to the bank when you don't have anything in the bank. You go, they got your money.

Claim that divine inheritance. I love that I will never look at fields again and I'm in South-Central PA and not think about that. He doesn't go up to the sea and say, "Are you growing? What are you doing?" It just happens. That's where it's supposed to be. I love it. How about you, Helena? What are your thoughts on vision?

Understand everything my mother said. I don't need to say much else. Vision means patience. People forget about that little one thing. It's important. "I saw the vision. I'm trying to walk there in it. Why isn't it taking place?" My ma just said, “It's because it takes time and it's not in your time, but when it comes it's there. Nobody's taking that back. Nobody's able to put that back in the ground. It's there, but it takes time.

During that time, you can't say, "I don't know where it is." No, be patient. That's important in the microwaveable society that we have now, but they want things right away. No, this is not what this is. It takes time. As Ms. Gwen talked about her children. I knew it took a lot of time and now they're doing their thing. You see the fruits of your labor. It takes time. The vision will come.

To your point, don't thwart it. Remember 40 years in the wilderness, it should have taken him a week. Why? Rather than waiting gratefully, they mumbled, grumbled, and they’ve thumbs sucked. When you do that, he will make you learn that lesson. He has more time than us. Wait gratefully upon him. How about you Gwendolyn? What are your thoughts on vision?

When you have a vision you have, that is something that is given to you. I have realized that a lot of people do not have a vision. You are lucky enough to have been given a vision of purpose, a vision of what it is you're supposed to be doing. Some days, I've had to question and I ask God, "Where in the world did I come from? Why did I get this? Why did you give me this?" Some of the visions I've had scared me to death. They were impossible. Some of them are still very much so. I think me as little Gwen thinks they're impossible, but he keeps wrestling with me and says, "This is what I've given you." That is what is.

For me, vision is the ability to be able to see what it is that you are supposed to be doing. It doesn't come with a straight road and we got that. For me to be able to stick with, not try to convince, but go ahead and do the vision that I know has been set for that I am to bring forth. A part of me along with others will be there to do that. The vision is so important for each of us. For me, it's pride and joy to be able to have been given the gift of having a vision. I've seen people that have no purpose and no idea. When you get forth and you see that, you say, "I'm blessed for having been given vision." That's where I am with that.

Vision is the ability to see what it is that you are supposed to be doing.

You think about Martin Luther King. I had a dream and I tell people that, but what is it? We say this like, "It's going to land him." You have to go find it, and it's what you are called to do, not what you want to do, and so you hit on that. That takes soul searching, humility, and patience. I look at Paul, how many times before he was blinded until he started ministry. How many years in the waiting?

The purpose of a vision, I love it because then it gets down into, it's all about God's calling, not the outcome. It gets it off of us and back on who it needs to be on. We talked about loneliness, weariness, abandonment, and vision. This is crazy beautiful. Before we wrap up, I want Bonita to share with us about your book that just came out. Could you tell us a little bit about that? Tell us about it and where they can get it.

Believe is on Amazon. It's a very simple book. The Holy Spirit said it doesn't take long to tell the truth. The price is cheap. You spend more than that at Starbucks for something that can be something that you rightly need right now. I can say that without any hesitation or reservation because the spirit knows what's out there, what's needed, and how to get it out there. If he used me to do a simple book, then I'm saying it's out there. Your life jacket is in that simple little book.

I didn't have time to go into my office and get Tracey your book that I ordered from Tremendous Leadership and it's a little bitty book. Mine is a little bit bigger than that, but it's something that you can put in your car, purse, or wherever you need because he's going to lead you to go get that book. You need answers and I got them written down.

The book is a timely piece. I'm working on the 2nd and 3rd ones, which piggyback off of Believe. Believe is like, "Believe what?" Whatever you're hearing, believe it, and he'll show you how to walk it out. I read the first female president of Liberia and her last name is Sirleaf. She said, "If your dream isn't scaring you, then it's too small.”

The Earth is the Lord and the fullness thereof. He knows how to use you. I was talking to a lady, she told me to just keep cooking. She told me that back in the '90s. I chuckled and said, "God, I kept cooking and followed the instructions, and look what I stirred up." I stirred up a book. I got a book signing. I got a restaurant in the home of the 39th longest-living president. That's what I stirred up by cooking.

David did even more than that. He got a place on the throne with a slingshot. What do you have? Don't minimize what we already have. You don't need to go get anything. You might need to go get the book, but other than that, because you don't have it. This show is divine. Tracey doesn't know me. I don't know Tracey, but her father left a platform on Earth. As I was doing what I was doing our paths crossed, not her, but her father. I never met her father, but then Tracey is on the scene now because he left something on Earth that needs to be still going and she's going with it.

I got invited because God put me here. He made the connection that we Christian people out here, need to get rid of the negative mind and get into the spiritual mind and stay there because you can live there. He tells you how to live on Earth. The first change is you and me. I'm the change. Once we get that, we can move with that vision. We can embrace all the different areas that we talked about and touched base on. That's part of the package and keep it moving. That's what I have to say in summary.

Tracey, I want to thank you for doing what you're supposed to be doing at such a time as now. I want to thank these two young ladies. I sit back and I look at them, and I'm grateful. To be able to bring them to a bigger table who we know not of is to be commended. Thank you for your openness. You will continue with that legacy. The book changes people's lives. Let's read guys.

As you said, it's not what is the truth, it's who. I hope that's the one thing you leaders figured out. Stop thinking, "What am I supposed to do next?" It's who. Either, you're the truth or you're not the truth. Either God is God or you are. Until you solidify that, then I hope you've heard these leaders at all orients back to that.

Ladies, I can't thank you enough for the richness of this dialogue, what you shared, the blessings you brought me, for being so transparent about what's going on with your life, and for what you've done to make this world a better place. I can't wait to see what happens. Our readers are going to be so blessed. Thank you, Helena, Gwendolyn, and Bonita.

You're welcome, Dr. Tracey.

To our tremendous leaders out there, I know you have thoroughly enjoyed this. If you like what you heard and please do us the honor to hit the subscribe button and leave us a review. We'd love to hear your thoughts. Most importantly, if you were blessed by this, please hit the like and the share button, and share it with somebody else.

Again, to all the tremendous leaders out there, you will be the same person five years from now that you are now, except for two things, the people you meet and the books you read. I know you are a whole different person in this conversation. Be blessed and keep on paying the price of leadership. Have a tremendous day.

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About Bonita Hightower

Bonita is a mover and shaker, businesswoman, Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Army Veteran (141/2) Speaker & Encourager.

Bonita and her husband Willie opened Bonita's Restaurant in Plains, GA in 2015. Bonita enjoys preparing down home. Southern cooking made from scratch.

She has many loyal customers, but famous people have enjoyed her food as well. President Jimmy Carter and his wife, Rosalyn, love the convenience of Bonita's delicious carry-out orders.

Adding value to other people's lives is a hallmark of Bonita's life. Serving others in her business, and. serving others through various ministry endeavors motivates her thoughts and actions each day.

She just released her new book, Believe, which is available on Amazon.