It is often said that you cannot give what you do not have, and that same message is true when it comes to leaders. Dr. Tracey Jones talks about the importance of self-care in leadership with Latonya Brock, the Executive Director of the Quincy Chamber in Illinois and Founder of Latonya Brock Ministries. Latonya explains why leaders must always take a breath and celebrate even the smallest victories to connect with their followers better. She also stresses that by taking care of yourself and knowing your visions clearly, being a trailblazer for your team and an agent of tremendous change is possible.
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Latonya Brock – Leaders On Leadership
Our guest is Latonya Brock. Latonya is a dear friend of mine. She's the Executive Director of the Quincy Chamber in Quincy, Illinois. She also has a ministry, Latonya Brock Ministries. Latonya has been a corporate leader for over twenty years and her passion is empowering others, building community and diversity and inclusion. You're not going to want to miss Latonya's perspective on what it takes to pay the price of leadership.
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It is my tremendous honor to have my dear friend, my sister from another mister, but we share the same Father, Latonya Brock. She is the Executive Director of the Quincy Chamber in Quincy, Illinois. Latonya has been in corporate leadership for over twenty years. Her passion is empowering others, building community and diversity and inclusion. She even has her own ministry, www.LatonyaBrockMinistries.com. I'm going to hear all about that. Latonya, sister, and friend, thank you for being here.
Thank you for having me, Dr. Tracey. It means a lot to be with you.
You are welcome. The point of this show, and you know that and we've been friends for a couple of years. We met at Institute Organizational Management meetings. It was Madison, Wisconsin, wasn't it?
It was. Absolutely.
That was a wonderful place for us to connect and since then we have stayed in close contact and talked about many leadership issues, both personal and professional, spiritual, you name it. In this episode, we're going to talk about one of my father's favorite speeches and it was called The Price of Leadership. In it, he says leadership is a beautiful thing but it's also something that you're going to have to pay a price in order to do it. In this show, we pull back the curtain of leadership and talk about as a leader, you're going to get your knuckles and nose bloody, but that's okay. That's all part of the game. If this is happening to you don't panic and think that you’re doing it wrong type of thing.
Latonya, the first price my father said, was loneliness. We've all heard the saying that, “It's lonely at the top.” Can you unpack for our reader, with your twenty plus years of leadership experience, both in the business world and even in your ministry, what does that mean for you as a leader? How do you deal with it? What input or what advice would you give to leaders out there that may be going through a season of loneliness now?
I do want to acknowledge that leadership certainly is lonely. I think about it and you said it best. It is lonely at the top. As you start out, you have a lot of peers and as you continue to get elevated, you have a lot of colleagues, and you find out that you have a few. As you continue, you find out that those that are with you, I would like to say they are eagles as well. They have their own concerns, visions, thinking and people that they have to lead.
Those are times that you get to meet with them, maybe quarterly or even twice a year. I think about when it comes to leadership, how lonely it is. That's because when you look around, you can't tell your team exactly what you feel. You're carrying this mantle of leadership in a way that's certainly burdensome at times. Also, you go home, and you don't want to take your work home with you necessarily to your spouse.
You find yourself feeling isolated and alone. You have to make sure that you know how to self-care, and how to process that loneliness, or even how to reach out. Sometimes it’s difficult to reach out because you know that your colleagues are as busy if not busier than you. You certainly try to honor their time. I'll call it selfish in a way, but we have to be selfish and reach out and talk to other leaders that are up there with us. Even if it's for 30 minutes to say, “This is what I'm thinking. This is what I'm feeling.” Have you encountered it? How do you process it? Sometimes you need to laugh and chat with someone in your space so you don't have to worry about if they're going to divulge that information to someone else.
That’s such a great point because a lot of times we feel we don't want to be a burden on somebody but that's why your tribe is there for you. When you need somebody, and the devil loves it when we’re alone, you’ve got to reach out and get that counsel. The older I get, the more I realize that now is not the time for me to go off on my own, but to integrate with people to lift you up.
The other thing I'll say about that is we have to, as leaders, I would encourage the readers to be careful of what they take on. I believe, in my years of taking on more opportunities to serve on boards on committees, to lend my voice to spaces, I've found that the more I take on the more that I am. I'm going to set myself up not to be lonely, but to feel that loneliness. That's where we experienced that burnout. As leaders, the higher up we go and the more God elevates us, we have to take the time to evaluate to make sure that what we are doing is what we are called and asked to do in the space. Just because we can do it, doesn't mean that we should do it.
Self Care In Leadership: As leaders go higher, they have to take the time to evaluate and make sure that what they’re doing is according to their vision.
I love that, Latonya the loneliness as a leader. The next thing my dad talked about is weariness. A lot of times we feel alone, we start feeling the burden and we get tired. My dad would always say, “If you're going to be doing anything, you're going to have people that are doing more than their fair share and those that aren't.” Leadership is tiring. If it weren't everybody would do it. How do you stay replenished or refreshed, Latonya?
You're right because it is weird because you're constantly having to, as we say, be on, you're having to be on whether you are going shopping, whether you are talking to someone else. You have to consistently be on and that is draining and you have to be there for your team. In my role, I have to be there for my community and we're in a space where COVID-19 and even racial injustice have taken a toll on everybody. I can remember when I felt I was crashing so you are talking about weariness. I had to unplug.
I booked a hotel room and drove two hours away. My husband was certainly okay with that and I unplugged. I had to write out what I was thinking, process what I was feeling, as a leader, and I put my phone on Do Not Disturb. I believe that I was better as a result of that because I was feeling weary, exhausted, and discouraged. Sometimes we were taught early on in leadership that we don't have space for that. If you don't take time for that, you will become ineffective and no one is good when they're ineffective. You certainly have to provide that self-care. Sometimes for me, I have to do it on a Saturday. I’d run myself a nice bubble bath, light my favorite scented candle, and get my favorite lotion. You have to do whatever it takes to rejuvenate you. Watch something silly and funny on TV and quit taking yourself seriously.
I have a difficult time with that because my brain consistently thinks about what's next. We don't get a time and opportunity, as leaders, to celebrate our successes because it's like, “This is a win but now I got to think about what's next because this win only lasts as long as it happens.” We don't get a chance to celebrate. That’s why our tribe is extremely important too because we have to find people that are going to say, “Let's go to dinner, let's take a walk, let's celebrate you and your success because that's a huge win.” As a leader, I would recommend and strongly encourage you to find times where you can take small simple sabbaticals, whether that's at your house in times when you're feeling overwhelmed. Once a quarter, try to go away. If you can't do it in 48 hours, try to do 24 and as a leader, you'll see how refreshing that is. It's to hit the pause button and step away.
That’s important. With the pace of what’s going on and how things are, it used to be like, you'd wake up and it was a bad day but now things are different. You’d wake up and you're still like, “This is still here. The world is still not the way it used to be.” We're going to have to monitor that a lot more closely because we could bounce back quicker before but now there are some other circumstances weighing on us. We need to watch for health literally and figuratively.
We have barriers now where we can't go out to eat like we are used to, we can't get over a certain number depending on where your readers are. We also are concerned about our health even the political landscape is polarizing. As a leader, you got to be careful about what you value, what you feel is important and you got to make sure that you are feeding yourself and making sure you're taking care of yourself.
I tell leaders all the time when I started out, I wish someone would have sat down with me and told me, “You're going to be exhausted. There are some days that you're going to want to quit. There are some days when you don't feel you have another answer.” Even if they would have, I want to say to the readers, even in this space that we're in now in this COVID space, racial space, hatred space, and a polarizing political scheme, we have to scale, as leaders, have to take care of ourselves. It’s extremely important, and we can't get caught into that. We can't get caught up in what other people do and we don't have a luxury. We're processing it. Our teams and communities are looking for us. Our ministries are looking toward us to give them encouragement. If we don't take care, we'll begin to resent the opportunity that we do have in the space.
You hit the nail on the head, too. Also, for the readers out there, if you're undergoing this, clear your schedule. Nothing is that important that you can't take some time for your health. I love doing this stuff but you know if something comes up where I’m like, “I can't get there.” If you can't run the race strong, you're not going to be able to finish the race. Some people feel like, “I can't not show up. I can't be like this at this meeting.” Sure you can, the end of the world isn't going to happen. You have to take care of yourself first and foremost. A lot of times, that's life letting you know that you need to take advice and take care of yourself, first.
As you say that I'm reminded that I had to do that. I'm on a board for Credit Union. They were meeting in person and I said, “I'll do a call in.” I needed that. I needed to go home. I needed to get ready, relax, get ready for the next day, and clear my mind mentally. I didn't have the energy to meet them personally and give that type of energy but I was still counted. I still was able to call in and it was the first time in a long time. A part of me felt that pressure. What are they going to think? What are they going to say? At the end of the day, you're right, I had to think about how I am going to feel tomorrow if I put in these two hours at a meeting and drive an hour back home. We’ve got to take care of ourselves and make those decisions.
Latonya, we talked about loneliness and weariness. The next thing he talked about was abandonment. Typically, abandonment can have a negative connotation but in this case, abandonment is a hyper-focus. It’s abandoning what you like and maybe want to think about. You're in a business with me. There are certain things we love to do but maybe that's not what we need to focus on to grow our business and our ministry. How do you maintain your focus? How do you abandon the things that are not value-added to stay hone on what your placed to do?
I have gotten better over time, and certainly continuing to get better in that space where you think about just abandoning means different things. You're right, it's not always negative but there are times when you even have to abandon things that you would prefer to be doing. God has called me to go back to school. As an Executive Director, as the Founder of a ministry, now I have school and marriage. There are some things that I don't get to do, that I do have to abandon in order to stay focused. Some of those things may even be as simple as, how long I'm taking phone calls or how often during the week, I'm taking those phone calls.
Self Care In Leadership: By failing to take care of yourself, you will begin to resent the opportunity you have in a particular space.
I've been making sure people in my life and around me understand why I am, as your father said, abandoning them for a season. It is to stay focused because we get so distracted easily. We don't do our assignment and we don't do the people around us any good. We’ll find ourselves harboring unforgiveness and resentment and we will fall into those spaces of being even more weary and feeling lonely. You have to stay focused. You have to stay laser-sharp about what you're doing. I would recommend to your readers, as they look at opportunities to serve on boards or committees, I am at the point now where I don't do more than two boards.
If someone asked me to serve on a board, I'll say, “If you have an ad hoc committee, or you have a specialized committee that I could commit to for maybe two months, that's all the time that I'm willing to give.” There are times I'll walk away thinking, “That's a great opportunity.” I want to do that but I’ve got to stay crystal clear on what my focus is. I would encourage our readers to think about doing a list of prioritizing. I know that sounds elementary. On my wall, I have post-it notes everywhere, it is what I've called to do in this space that I'm in. If it doesn't fit in that or if it's not a part of that, I don't add anything else to that.
If it can't be for a brief amount of time, my answer has to be no. I have to take something else off the wall to put something else on there. Get clear about what you're asked to do and perhaps us even taking a 24-hour period of time and saying, “I lay everything out from what board you serve, what committee, what relationships you’re in, and how much time they're taking.” It’s everything. Are you coaching your team? How much of that does that require? Sometimes we have new teams and we don't have the luxury of serving on boards like we would if we didn't have those teams. It’s making sure you're crystal clear about taking inventory in your life in order to stay focused.
That list of prioritizing and limiting the boards is good. Just because you say no now that doesn't mean you can't pick it up later. There's been a lot of board. We have good hearts so every time I hear an opportunity, I'm like, “That's wonderful.” Otherwise, you can't be on that board and be all in like you need to be so you're not helping yourself, and you're not helping the board either.
You also don't show up your best self. I was thinking about that. I was asked to tour a group of African American young ladies. Dr. Tracey, I had my baby when I was sixteen years old so that's my passion of mine to talk to young ladies for self-esteem but I knew that I could not do that. I told the individuals that asked, “I can do a one and done, for example, you can call me in and I can do maybe an hour talk and you have someone else to come in and undergird me.” You can make it work, but you can't. I couldn't take on the opportunity to mentor them for six months to a year. That wouldn't have been a no for me and I wouldn’t even be at my best self. Even when we're passionate about stuff, we're not going to be able to do it.
Other people will have the opportunity to come in along and serve. It's not always up to us. Lastly, my dad talked about the fourth Price of Leadership which is vision. For a lot of people, vision is you see things nobody else could see. My dad always said that vision was, knowing where you're going, seeing what needs to be done, and doing it. I say that's more clarity or wisdom. How do you hone your vision? You know it changes every day. Everything changes, and we got to be open to it but what is your vision clarity in terms of people out there?
I would encourage everyone to come up with, I don't know if they have a personal mission statement for their life, but making sure that personal mission statement aligns with the assignment that they're doing whether it's in Corporate America, personally, or in ministry. The other thing about vision is making sure that you are writing your vision. We're told to write the vision and make it plain. We have to write it, and keep it before us.
The other thing that I'm clear about is when I have that vision, I don't go over four strategies. In other words, I think about four things that are important. For example, in Corporate America, we do it. We came up with our strategic plan. In the chamber, we have four pillars, community and enrichment, diversity and inclusion, leadership, and advocacy. That’s the vision. Within those visions, my purpose and my mission for life fall but I don't take on any other assignments outside of those visions even if one of my sponsors come and ask. My organization is fully run by memberships and sponsors. If it's not something that falls within those four pillars, that's the vision of what I'm called to do. That's it for the next three years. I am solid that's the vision. We have to get clear about what our vision is. We can see it, but other people can't. I believe that helps with the clarity because other people can't see it. When I say that this is what I'm also saying they can't see it.
They don't have the privilege to see it laser-focused as you do. When they're asking, they're not thinking about your vision they're thinking about theirs. We have to make sure that we understand what our vision is and that we stay clear about that. The other part of that is we also have to make sure we are not holding other people responsible for the vision that we have been given. I will say methods change, but visions don't.
When you say not holding people responsible, can you unpack what you mean by that? That's profound.
People ask us to do something and we will begin to say, “They don't prioritize what I prioritize. They're not passionate about what I'm passionate about. They don't understand. They don't support me in what I'm doing.” They're asking me to do something that's against my vision so we say, “They don't support me.” In actuality, it's not that they don't support you. It's that you cannot hold them responsible for what you're called to do. I have to remember that even in marriage. Even in my marriage, my husband is not called to do what I'm called to do. He's called the love the same God, to pray for me, and support me in a better arena but it is not his priority, to always keep what my vision is before him. I have to alleviate him of the responsibility of carrying that burden because it's not his responsibility. It's my vision and it's my responsibility. We’ve got to be clear that we're not asking other people to say yes to what we're called to do.
Self Care In Leadership: People are not going to see or hear all the instructions that you get. When it's time for you to make a change as a leader, be sure to step into that.
What do you do with your team if you're crafting that? How do you plan that in? That's a great thing to be aware of but in the end, doesn't everybody have to eventually come together or coalesce under one single vision?
When it comes to life, any area of work, or any sector of business, we have to make sure that the people we're bringing on board or entered into relationships with, we’ve got to make sure that they understand what the vision is and what the focus is. It doesn't mean that they don't get the opportunity to do what they are called to do but they’ve got to understand that at the end of the day, this is the vision and this is what we're aiming at.
I used to see that all the time in banking. When tellers would come in banking when I first started leading the teller line, they would come in, and they would have passions. I knew that they would probably not be there the next five years, because some of them were in college. At the end of the day, we were there to make sure that we enhance the member experience, and that we encourage the members to do the thing financially. That’s what we were there for so I could ask them what their passions were.
I had one young lady that I remember vividly. Her passion was she wanted to be a counselor. What better way to talk to members, and what better way to start even sharpening that skill because we have what we call transferable skills. Even in leading, look for those opportunities of transferable skill, so it's a win-win. It doesn't have to be a win-lose. You can still point toward the vision and make sure you're clear about who you're bringing on your team.
It’s beautifully put. I love that differentiation. Latonya, we covered the different prices of leadership, loneliness, weariness, abandonment, and vision. Is there anything else for our readers who are emerging leaders and leaders of various stages that you would like to share with them that you found on your leadership journey?
Two things I would say, it’s being a catalyst and change agent. I'll go ahead and throw the third thing in there, being a trailblazer. As a leader, we got to remember that and it even covers the vision and the priorities for life. We’ve got to remember people are not going to see or hear all the instructions that we get. When it's time for you to make a change as a leader, we’ve got to step into that. The biggest problem for me that I had in leadership is my thinking and also wanting to please people, the people around me, and wanting everybody to like me.
We’ve got to remember that if we're called to facilitate change, everybody is not going to agree with you. I often say this, “I will promise you that I will be likable at all times, even if you don't like me.” Even as a leader, we got to remember that we are called to be trailblazers. In some spaces, were not but in some spaces we are. People are counting on us to change and change things. Sometimes they don't realize what that change completely looks like. I live in a rural community now of about 40,000 people that are close in about 20 to 25-mile radius. Outside of that, we're collectively about 60,000.
As I began having the conversation about diversity and inclusion, I had to go slow. As a visionary, you'll get it and you think you got to get there fast, but you’ve got to bring people along and you’ve got to get them to buy in. It goes back to, and I know I keep repeating this, just because you see it, it doesn't mean that they see it. You’ve got to give it to them in bits. You’ve got to get the people on board. The first people I had to get on board was my board of 21 directors. I had to get them on board to understand why diversity and inclusion were important.
To them, it was all about retention. That works for me. That is extremely important. It's about retention in organizations, it's also about innovation within organizations because I had to find this vision that I have. The other thing that I had to make sure that I did was take time to answer their question. I never lost eyesight of the vision of what I wanted to do to become a more inclusive culture. That required me to be vulnerable and slow down. It did take me 1.5 years to get the right people in the space I needed them to be. We're three years in 2020 and it's taken off.
The other thing is when we are called to be change agents, we do and when we are supposed to do it. I hope your readers are reading this. If we miss opportunities, we also miss the time and we have to do it over again. If I would not have started the conversation a few years ago about diversity and inclusion, now in a critical time in our world, where diversity is causing our world to be split, guess what my message has been for the last few years? I have other leaders now calling me asking me, “What do I need to do for my team? What do we need to do for our organization? How do we push this forward?”
I remember thinking years ago about how afraid I was to implement a change in the community. Sometimes we get in our own way, whenever I said our thinking that I thought they're not going to receive me, believe me, or I'm not going to get their buy-in. That was my thinking. It wasn't theirs. I was projecting my thinking onto them. Once it got to a place where I began to walk, and I tell people that sometimes we’ve got to do things afraid as a leader.
Self Care In Leadership: Leaders must know when to take courage and be trailblazers for a huge change.
We’ll have peace, but there's still, “I'm afraid of doing this. What if? What if it's a beautiful sermon?” I preach this several times, but we’ve got to know that when it's time to do something, don't be afraid to step in that space and be that change. As a trailblazer, you may not have ever seen anybody else do it the way that you've been asked to do it. Step in and blaze your own trail. I tell the readers, do not be afraid. When we are called to lead, we're also called to affect change. When we say yes to leadership, we say yes to being a change agent, a trailblazer alone in it.
I love that. The majority of the time, we’re alone in it. We can take that feeling of being alone and think that we're lonely and it goes back to what we said. It’s making sure that you have that tribe. Making sure that you're looking for people that you can call. I want to say this to the readers in this space, make sure that you have the right mentors in your space. Just because they're busy, does not mean they don't have the opportunity to mentor you. Don't be afraid. Remember, Dr. Tracey, I asked you, “Do you have once a quarter?” That's all we need. We don't need a lifeline all the time because we're not babies anymore, we’re grown up and we're leading.
Remember that the people that we want to be attracted to, are going to be as busy or busier than we are but don't be afraid to ask. Certainly, reach out, do your own research, and read. I remember someone told me that they read two books a month. I'm not there but I do think about the things that I need to enhance. That's time, priority, and time to focus. I have two books that I'm going through reading and getting nuggets out of those to help me. In fact, that goes back to staying in focus and being laser-focused, as well as intentional. Intentionality is expensive but who's going to pay the cost if we're not intentional? We are.
You even said that, they brought you into this position so the expectations, I love when you said they're counting on you to change things. If they wanted stuff to go on the way it was, they would let the position open and save money. You do have a beautiful little committee because I remember I flew to your airport that one time. If you've ever been into Quincy, it was awesome.
They’re different.
Self Care In Leadership: If leaders miss opportunities, they also miss the time, and then they have to do it over again.
It was. I thought Harrisburg was small. Remember when that storm came, I got off and I was soaking wet. You’re like, “Walk to the tarmac.” I'm like, “There's this raging storm.” This little man went in front of me and I'm like, “If he's going, I’m going.” That was my introduction to Quincy. I’m like, “I like this town.” I love how you brought that up. Sometimes it's our own insecurities where we think people won’t listen to us. Who said that? They heard you. Come on, give them a chance. They were wise enough to let you take the helm now, show them what you can do, and don't back out of it. I love it, Latonya.
That’s been a part of our authentic self. We’ve got to look for that we’re authentic.
You’ve got that right and not listening to our inauthentic negative self. Latonya, how can people stay connected with you?
They can reach me at LatonyaBrockMinistries@Gmail.com but if they want to see what I'm doing as far as a ministry, it’s LatonyaBrockMinistries.com. Certainly, if they want to see what we're doing as a chamber, and get in touch with me that way, as well, they can do QuincyChamber.org. They can find out all the information they need there to get in touch with me. I would love that. I would love to hear from your readers. I want them to be encouraged in leadership and know that whenever you're experiencing someone else has experienced it may be in a different facet but they want to be there for you so let them.
Folks, thank you. Latonya, thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. It's always such a time of refreshment listening to you and you are such a wonderful leader, such a visionary, you're always growing and evolving. You call me and you're like, “I unpacked this. I realized this.” It's such a joy to watch. It's a wonderment and I thank you for all that you bring, what you share with our readers, what you have taught me, and for being on here. Thank you.
Thank you for having me. I appreciate you and who you are in my life. Thank you.
Thanks, Latonya. To our tremendous readers, thanks. If you enjoyed what you’ve read, please reach out to Latonya. That's how we all build our tremendous tribe by reaching out. Also, if you like what you’ve read, please hit the subscribe button and the little bell. Do us the honor of a rating, please. We'd appreciate that and share it with us. If there are other leaders out there that want to know what it takes to pay the price of leadership, let them know there are tons of us out there fighting the good fight and we're there to help each other. You be blessed and have a tremendous day. Take care.