With the internet making the world smaller and smaller every single day, people from all over have been able to exchange thoughts on the most trending topics with ease. For a leader to be effective, knowing the proper balance between opinions and social media is necessary. Speaker and author Katie Bulmer stresses the importance of this with Dr. Tracey Jones as they discuss how every opinion must always be partnered with responsibility, how to digest the online world full of personal thoughts, and why every voice must be heard, even those that consider themselves irrelevant. Katie also shares some tips on using social media in the most rewarding way and why self-encouragement is the strongest form of motivation you can get for yourself.
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Listen to the podcast here:
Katie Bulmer – Leaders On Leadership
Our guest is the tremendous Katie Bulmer. Katie speaks to women at colleges all over the United States. She's also the author of a book titled Sorority Girls Can Change the World and has a tremendous podcast titled Truth For Your Twenties. She has a beautiful perspective on leadership.
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I am tremendously excited to welcome my guest on the show, Katie Bulmer. Katie is an author and speaker to college women nationwide. She is the host of the Truth For Your Twenties podcast. Everything she does is with her heart. She exhorts us to be who you needed when you were younger. She's also the author of the book Sorority Girls Can Change the World. She's a speaker at over 30 different colleges nationwide. Katie, thank you so much for being here.
It's my pleasure. I'm excited to talk about leadership.
I'm excited to hear your perspective about the young, emerging leaders. I'm sure you get a lot of these young women at your events that are talking about, “How do I step up and fill the leadership role?”
All the time. It's encouraging and scary at the same time.
That's what we're talking about. My dad was pragmatic and he always told me growing up, since I was little, “Leadership is great, but it's tough.” It didn't surprise me as much when I got the blowback or the backstabbing or, “Not everybody thinks like you.” It was still difficult. It's encouraging for you to share with young women out there, I'm sure you talk to men too about what it takes to pay the price of leadership. We're here to talk about what it takes.
I’d love to hear from you what your experiences were on paying the price of leadership. The first one they talked about was loneliness, “You're in college, this is some of your funnest years. How can you possibly be lonely?” Could you share with us what the price of leadership as far as loneliness means for you and your leadership journey? What would you recommend to some of our emerging leaders if they are in a season of loneliness to deal with that?
It's normal and it's something that we don't talk about a lot. I was having a conversation about this with a friend and how we start off trying to do stuff on social media, perhaps trying to do a podcast or whatever and it's like, “Is this thing on? Is anyone listening?”
“Why are there no views?”
What we concluded is this truly isn't the work of the weary. This isn't the work of the people who give up. This isn't the work of the people who are like, “I got 1,000 likes. I’m crushing it.” You put stuff out there and sometimes it's almost better to get the naysayers and get that, “Who are you? Get off the stage.” It’s like, “At least you're alive. At least I have someone talking to me.” Many times, I have shown up, especially on social media, and you get the crickets in return. You had this post and you edited it. You get a friend to look over it and you got the picture right and then it's like, “What's happening? Is the algorithm working? What's going on?” That has definitely been my experience of feeling alone.
Specifically, I speak to sorority women. This is such an interesting dynamic. My target market is in their twenties. Who even can understand my perspective? I have a heart and a passion and I've never been surer about what I'm doing when I'm speaking to these younger women. Who in my age knows that and is doing that and can relate to that and understands what it means to do an IGTV and what it means to have a podcast? The group of people I have alongside me to encourage me in this niche space is limited. It's mostly people I know in the online space, but I'm thankful for those people. I’m like, “Let's talk every day.”
We're all recovered people-pleasers and then we get more comfortable but when you're younger, it's important to be liked or validated. You want to speak out and make your mark, but then if you don't get applause, that's tough when you're younger. You said, “It's not work for the weary.” I love that because the next price is going to be weariness. How do you encourage people? I know when I published my first book, I had a panic attack because I'm like, “What if nobody likes it?” I'm like, “What if nobody even reads it?” It's still scary. What do you encourage people as far as staying in the course, paying the price, as far as weariness?
I would have told you years ago that there are other people doing what I'm doing. There are other people doing it well, like, “My voice isn't as valuable. I'm going to stay quiet.” There's no point in adding to the noise, so to speak. What I realized is my voice is valuable because I come at it from a different perspective. For example, my husband will listen to a podcast. Perhaps it’s like this but it's done by man and it speaks to him. This is the funniest thing, we have this conversation all the time at my house. He's like, “It’s encouraging.” He'll tell me, “On this podcast, I heard this.” I'm like, “Great.” In one ear and out the other.
Opinions And Social Media: Just because you have a platform does not mean you're automatically an expert on every controversial issue.
A week later, I heard a similar podcast done by a woman and it speaks to me differently because she's a woman. Not that I can't learn from men or women. Perhaps this girl has blonde hair or blue eyes or whatever it may be, there's no wrong or right in this. We relate to people differently. She might be closer to my age. She might be closer to where I live geographically. Maybe that time, maybe I wasn't receptive at that moment. A week later, I heard the exact same message in a different package and I'm like, “Yes, that changed my life.” Yes, there are other women perhaps younger. There are other women older. There are other women doing the same thing I'm doing, but my voice is still valuable because I'm coming at it and packaging it in a different way.
It’s like writing books on leadership, there are 50 gazillion books. Who am I? I love how you said that. You came to this truth a lot younger than I did. I finally realized, “No. My perspective is unique. I need to put that stuff out there as much as the John Maxwells, the Andy Stanleys, or anybody else.” Your journey is unique and knowing that your own personal value gives you the stamina. You realize you don't have to get drowned out by other voices. You can rise and stand on your own.
It changed my life. I'll give credit. Stephanie May Wilson, we booked her as a speaker and she came to our college. I was behind the scenes helping book her and she was doing what I wanted to do. I remember asking, “I want to do this. I want to be a speaker. I want to travel to colleges like you're doing.” She was like, “Your voice matters too. Why aren't you? Do it. I'll help you.” We were a competition, but she's like, “There's room for all of us at the table.” I was like, “Yes, sister. Thank you.” That was empowering for me.
One of my favorite quotes is, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When we start comparing ourselves or go, “There's no space for that.” We're also uniquely coded and wonderfully made. Your experiences, nobody has walked like that. That's absolutely beautiful. The next part my dad talks about is abandonment. We hear abandonment in a negative word. Fear of abandonment. You're abandoning something. You're walking out on someone or something. In this case, he was referring to stopping what we like and want to think about in favor of what we need and ought to think about. As you're emerging as a leader and it's noisy out there, how do you dial in your focus and your clarity?
It’s something I'm no expert at, for sure. This is something I'm good at it and I'm bad at it. I feel like I've become more dialed back, especially we're in June of 2020. Pandemic, racism fuels, burning down buildings, there's a hot mess out there. I feel like I can't say anything right. There's a lot of noise. For me, it is getting quiet. We were talking about how I'm talking to you in my closet. It has become my favorite room in the house. I have a little shelf halfway, about waist height where I set my computer to do work. Underneath the shelf, I sit on the floor and I have my prayers all over the walls. It became a little war room. When the world feels loud and I'm almost suffocating, I get quiet. That is when I can hear clearly. I can see it more clearly. On some days, of course, you’re going to be fuzzier than others but that has been my saving grace.
We need to abandon the bad stuff. Sometimes, I want to abandon the good so I can focus on the great. There's a lot of trash and nonsense out there. I have many dear friends. Even believers contact me and they're down and I'm like, “Please stop engaging in this verbal vomit.” You’re going to abandon something because you can't have that peace and abandon that hostility and that evil unless you separate yourself from it.
You have to. I tell young people that all the time. I’m like, “You choose what you pour into your brain.”
One of the great books I read was called The Contrarian’s Guide to Leadership. Steve Sample was like, “You don't have to comment on everything. You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to.” Even as a college president, he didn't feel the need to make a statement. I love that you said that sometimes people are like, “Where do you stand on this?” That's my personal convictions and I'll do what I can do. If you want to know, then you would know me. If not, you want to pick a fight and catch me on something. I'm not going to go there. I'm glad you touched on that because some of us are feeling a little muzzled, but there's so much we can truly do in these spheres of where it matters. That's all that counts anyway.
Just because you have a platform, does that mean you're automatically an expert on every controversial issue there is under the sun? This is my lane. I study, I love, I'm passionate about this lane. I have an opinion, yes, but I'm not going to pick a fight on everything else like that. I don't have enough boxing gloves for all that.
It's draining and then it pulls you off into these no value-added things, draining things. Sometimes, that's the weariness too. You talked about how knowing your passion fuels you. When you get away from that fuel source, that's when you start slowing down or drifting off or even stopping.
I have to have that quiet. “Start your life from quiet,” is a quote I heard a long time ago. Sometimes it’s getting away from the noise. It feels suffocating and loud and that’s every day. There are many voices screaming at us. This is barely a new problem. Our grandparents certainly didn't have all of this, and even our parents. Now it's like everyone's opinion all the time, every day. Sit it down and get quiet.
Do you have set times where you Sabbath? Are you an early riser? I like hearing the leaders’ schedules about where they find that calming space where they get peace and hence clarity before they can go out and take action.
Pre-COVID, I was a 5:30 AM girl. We don’t have as many schedules now. We don't have to get the kids at school and things like that. I usually wake up at 7:00, it's significantly later I feel like. I get up at about 7:00 and do my quiet time. I'm not super disciplined about this, but I try to take a Sabbath from social media once a week because it's good to take a little break. There is only so much you can add to the noise. There's only so much you can absorb from all of the noise. Social media is a tool. I am the first to say it is a good thing and that's how I found you. It is definitely a tool for good. A brick is used for good and it can also be used to bust a window. Social media is good and it can also be not good. I try to take a break. It’s usually a Saturday or Sunday where I'm like, “I don't need to know right now.” That's how I unplug.
Opinions And Social Media: Social media is definitely a tool for good, but like every other tool, it can also be used for bad.
Is that primarily how you engage with the young ladies that you're building relationships with? Is that primarily through the social media platform or your podcast?
Both. We love Instagram, for my young friends. I got on TikTok. It's funny and it's such an interesting platform, but it has been such a tool, one minute or less videos to get your message across. I have become more intentional about talking about dating and healthy habits and the way God is designed for sex and some controversial things that have landed well. Somebody's got to talk about it. This is a mission field that the young people are on. There are many different forms of social media. I don't think you have to be on all of them. You have to be where your audience is.
We had a young lady we interviewed and she's gone viral on TikTok and it was cool. What she puts out and what she does for that and how she uses it to build her fan base and encourage people. It seems like everybody is using it for the betterment of all.
It's a tool. It can be used for good or for bad, depending on whose hands it’s in.
Katie, we talked about abandonment. The last point my dad talked about, the price you have to pay for leadership is vision. You have to be setting the course where, if you're a solopreneur or your organization needs to go. How do you craft your vision? What does vision mean to you?
I have a couple of ways. One is I have a journal and I write down a few things every morning as if they've already happened. For example, I am a $50,000 a year speaker. I am not now but writing that down helps me get there. I write down some tools and some dreams that I want to accomplish. I also have an Excel spreadsheet that I look at periodically. I call it big dreams and things I want to have accomplished. It's fun because I look back every now and then and I’m like, “Done.” I then have a few more ideas. I’m putting those together. Keeping the vision in my forefront.
The biggest naysayer I have in my life is myself. The mean girl in my brain, “Who do you think you are? You're not good enough. You're not strong enough.” She's not a nice person. I don't like her. The other side in that same brain has learned. I've probably only done this about ten times, I would say. I started writing letters to myself as my own biggest fan. It’s like, “Katie, I'm proud of you. You figured out MailChimp. It was the hardest thing you've ever done. You want it to become crazy over it. You figured it out and now you are a MailChimp ninja. I'm proud of you.” Little things like that encourage myself.
When I started the podcast, “You were scared to death. You didn't know what the heck you were doing. Look at you, you've already got 17,000 downloads.” Stuff like that to help encourage myself, being your own cheerleader, especially when you are an entrepreneur or a solopreneur and you don’t have a team. That mean girl, she has her place but squashing that voice and letting that nice, encouraging girl have her turn, it's powerful.
For everybody out there, and this is why people are in such a state of distress, the only form of motivation that lasts is self-motivation. You may have advocates and cheerleaders in your life. You may have great parents or you may not. You can have all that and still be completely unmotivated, miserable, as my dad would say, “Thumbsucker.” The person that learns to motivate themselves, then no matter what goes on out there, we can still stay focused in our closet with our prayers up there and writing ourselves letters to encourage ourselves. I love that.
It's been exciting. I have a pile of journals, but I try and keep it together. It's my encouragement journal. I have my Bible. I have my to-do list journal. At least I know which is one at each spot, that way I can go back for it. Those letters to myself have been powerful.
Do you write them out, the little notes?
I write it up. I say, “Dear Katie.”
You then give them to yourself right then or do you save them up? What do you do with them?
I keep it in a notebook. I'll write the date and I say, “Dear Katie, I'm proud of you. You figured this out. It was hard for you. Look how far you've come. Remember when you thought that you couldn't do this and now you can.” It’s little things like that. It's been powerful.
A lot of us entrepreneurs can be like squirrels. We have no shortage of ideas. It's getting it in a structure so we can execute. Tell me about the different journals you have and what you put in them? Are they handwritten journals? Do you do it electronically? Tell me what works for you.
Opinions And Social Media: You don't have to be in every form of social media. Just look where your audience is.
The Excel spreadsheet is where I keep all of the big dreams. I have an intern who helps me. I share with her, that way we can keep top of mind to what we're working toward. It's a five-subject notebook. I have it separated. I work in a marketing job. Marketing is what I do by day. I have little notes in there to keep that together and then I have my podcasts. I have my Sorority Girls’ big dreams. I have my best self, which is usually where the letters to myself are or meditations or things like that, becoming your best self. I have it into five different sections and that way I know where everything is. It's all in one big five subject notebook and it helps keep me sane.
What goes into the Excel spreadsheet? Is that for you to grow the business?
That's more on vision and business. I call it my big dreams. I put videos I want to do. I want to do an online course. The podcast is on there and I did that. I wanted to republish my book, which I did right before COVID, which wasn't great timing because the promotion got squashed. Little things like that, big dreams that aren't going to be one-day projects. I put them on there and that way I have them top of mind and then I can check them off when they're done, which is such a breath of fresh air when they're done.
There's a reason the timing of that got moved back. You know as well as I do. One of the greatest lessons to encourage other leaders is if it didn't happen when you thought it was, there's a reason for it and you'll see it and then you'll be like, “I can't even believe this.” The older you get, the more you get comfortable with that. It'll free up.
I didn’t stress too much about it. I’m thankful for this whole crazy quarantine thing. I'm an enneagram three. I don't know if you know much about that.
I do.
I'm the achiever. Let's get stuff done. I'm like, “We're going to take this time and I'm going to redo my website.” I did and it looks so much better. It was one of those things where I'm like, “It was hard.” I got through it and I did it. I'm in the spot like, “Now what?”
Hopefully, we'll get this out to our tremendous fans. I got to get your book. I can't wait to hear more about how you're going to grow this and do this. Anything else you want to share with our leaders reading? Any other lessons that you would like to impart with them with your wisdom on your particular walk?
You see what you're looking for. I'm passionate about our next generation. I call them world changers. Yes, a lot of people will say, “The next generation, they're going to hell and they're all a hot mess.” You're going to see what you're looking for. I see a lot of incredible, young people who are truly eager and ready and excited to be the change. When I give them messages like this, I get emails like, “Tell me what resources. Tell me how I can buy fair trade. Tell me how I can support with my dollars in my leadership position within my sorority to make a difference in my community.”
I'm seeing that and I'm seeing these women who are setting higher standards in dating, which is a huge deal. We see a lot of junk when it comes out there to unhealthy relationships. Yes, of course, you're going to see junk. Yes, of course, I'm here to say that there are amazing young men and women out there that are wanting to be the change to set a higher standard and to be encouraged that there is light for our next generation. I'm hopefully cheering them on. I see some incredible things and I'm hopeful for what they're going to be when they get to be grownups in this real world.
There's a generation between you and me. Whenever people poo-poo the younger ones, I'm like, “I'm a tail-end Boomer, Gen Y in the split.” I said, “We have a lot of slackers in our generation.” It's not some kind of evolutionary thing. There are people that will always be doing more than their fair share and ones that won't. The ones that don't aren't going to be listening to our podcast or read our books or doing what you tell them to do. That's okay. We got other fish to fry. We got other minds to encourage and lift up.
They're the ones that are going to be the change. They're the ones that were like, “Come on, sister. We got this.” We're going to link arms with them and show them the way. I used to think it was competition and that was my young inexperienced brain. Now, I'm like, “There is room for all of us.” I’m passionate about that because I have young women message me, “I want to be a speaker. I want to be an author.” Come here. Let's talk. I'll tell you all the things you need to know. Your voice matters too. I'm cheering them on to do it.
I heard this one speaker and her whole thing was not Wonder Woman, it was wonder women. We are a collective. It's not one. She's the archetype. You become a wonder woman because of all the wonder women that you attract and pour into you, and wonder men. Katie, what encourages this outlook on life, this positivity? Was it your parents? Was it your faith? Was it a female figure that came into your life or a male figure? How did you get hooked on this?
Many little things. My husband is well-read. He's the quiet roll changer behind all this. I'm the one on stages and in airplanes and writing stuff. He's the one who is encouraging me steadily. He’s well-read. He prays for our family. He's the rock of our family. He's the encouragement throughout everything that I've done. Before all of this started, it sounds crazy, but I was having a breakdown in our walk-in closet. It’s a different house that we live in now. Long story on how I got to this breakdown, a toddler tantrum at God, like, “Can you see how hard I'm working? Are you even alive up there? What is happening?”
If ever I've heard the voice of God, he's like, “When can I ever even ask you to do all of this busywork that you're doing? Share your story with sorority women, that is what I've uniquely equipped you to do.” I've never been more sure since or before then that I've heard the voice of God. I didn't know what that looked like, of course. I had no step. I had no plan and no clue what it would look like. It was one scared step in front of the other. That's the other thing, I don't think fear goes away. You keep walking forward and all of a sudden, you are more and more confident, “This is what God had in mind.” You are more confident that's where you're supposed to be.
Opinions And Social Media: Some people will always do more than their fair share, and some won't.
Thank you for sharing that transparency. For a lot of our emerging leaders out there, it gets tumultuous and dark right when the breakthrough happens. That's a combination of God pruning you, letting you think that you can do it through your own tenacity and strength. You can. Trust me. If anybody could have done it, it would have been us. He loves us with grace. Go along your happy way. We're going to change the world ourselves. The whole timing is everything is lining up. Also, you got clarity because otherwise, you could have been spread thin, nothing would have landed on the mark or you would have burned yourself out. Katie, thank you so much. Tell folks how they can get a hold of you, where they can subscribe to your podcast, and where they can get this tremendous book that you have coming out.
I'm most active on Instagram. @KatieBulmerLife is my Instagram handle and also my website. My podcast is called Truth For Your Twenties. You can stream that wherever you get your podcast.
Anybody of any age will get truth from it, right?
I hope so. I get lots of comments on iTunes that people of all different ages are tuned in and enjoying it.
Truth is timeless. Thanks, Katie. For our readers, please go over and subscribe to Katie's channel. Subscribe to Tremendous Leadership. Hit like. Leave us a comment, also a five-star rating. I want to thank you so much again, Katie, for sharing your wisdom with us, for what you’ve encouraged this next generation of future leaders. I know you have been such a tremendous encouragement to me.
Likewise. Thank you so much.
You're welcome, Katie. To our Tremendous readers, thanks so much. Have a tremendous day.
Important Links:
@KatieBulmerLife - Instagram
iTunes - Truth For Your Twenties