Episode 129 - Anthony Treas - Leaders On Leadership
War veterans have it rough. They spend years in combat going through the ranks of leadership, and once they are demobilized and go back to civilian life, they have to start from the ground up again. That was one of the challenges of Iraqi war veteran Anthony Treas. Anthony has served eight years in the US military and has struggled with mental health issues. He fought through all of that to find STRONG Men Coaching and his very own podcast, STRONG Men Podcast. Anthony offers coaching and business consulting to people so they can thrive in their personal performance. Join your host, Dr. Tracey Jones, as she sits down with Anthony to talk about how he adjusted back to civilian life and how leadership can be a lonely task. Learn how to take the initiative to become a leader today.
Watch the episode here:
LISTEN TO THE PODCAST HERE:
Anthony Treas - Leaders On Leadership
I am tremendously excited to welcome our guest, Anthony Treas. He has served for eight years in the US military and is an Iraqi war veteran. Anthony, thank you so much for your service. I appreciate that. After his deployment to Iraq, Anthony struggled with PTSD, anxiety and depression. Inspired by his mental health struggles, he launched the STRONG Men Podcast to provide men with empowering messages to thrive in their health, wealth and personal performance. His company, STRONG Men Coaching, provides group and personal coaching, business consulting and marketing services. Anthony, thank you so much for being our guest in this episode.
I’m excited. Thank you for having me.
You’re welcome. I always like to tell our readers because they’re like, “Tracey, where do you meet all these tremendous people?” I’m like, “They’re everywhere,” but Anthony and I connected on LinkedIn. For all you people out there that don’t touch your LinkedIn profile, there are all kinds of tremendous people out there. I was on a call, Anthony. Sometimes in our industry, we get very insulated and we already know like, “I know the motivational speakers. I know other writers,” but there are so many other people out there. It’s a real blessing meeting you.
Thank you so much.
Leader Leadership: Being a leader may require developing other skills and accepting where you might fall short on those skills, and that’s okay. People come from very high-end positions.
You're welcome, Anthony. You got to see a little bit of my dad's stuff and he was a renowned leadership expert. He flunked out of school in the eighth grade, had a tough upbringing, grew a business in life insurance and he was quite passionate about leadership. He also was very pragmatic and he taught people, "There's going to be a price you're going to have to pay to be a leader." In his The Price of Leadership speech, he talked about the four key elements that a leader is going to have to pay if they’re going to be a true leader and not just a LINO, a Leader In Name Only. The first one he talked about is loneliness and I know we’ve all heard that it’s lonely at the top. Could you unpack, especially for what you've been through, what loneliness looked like for you as a leader and maybe a message for some of our readers out there that might be in that season?
Being a leader can be lonely at times for sure. You're the one who is making the decisions. You're the one who's looking at what's going on, what needs to happen, what needs to take place and what needs to change. A leader brings in the feel and vision of the company. Oftentimes, it's you making that decision. There are some businesses and companies that have advisors and these sorts of things. At the end of the day, a leader is someone who makes decisions and those decisions have to be made and they might not be the most popular decision. They can often be difficult decisions, but a decision has to be made. You usually will take all the information that you can and make a proper assessment, make a decision and make it happen.
They can be lonely for people who are business leaders. I work with a lot of coaches and people who are transitioning from one career to another to become coaches. When they start a coaching business, no matter what background they might have, there is that transition to where now you can be a solopreneur. It's just you and you have to make all the decisions when it comes to what problem do you solve like online marketing, email marketing and social media marketing. All of these different things that oftentimes people become coaches because they want to coach. They want to help people. They don’t want to become marketing experts. They don’t want to have to be on social media. They don’t want to have to do any of these things. They just want to coach because they have that skill and ability.
At the same time, being a leader may require developing other skills and accepting where you might fall short on those skills and that’s okay. People come from very high-end positions. I remember when I came back from my deployment in Iraq, I provided personal security for generals in Iraq. That was a pretty intense job. It’s like the Secret Service for the President. We did that for what we call DVs, Distinguished Visitors or anybody who was making the decisions for the Iraq war at that time. Vice-President Joe Biden at the time who is now the President, I did principal security for him and other generals. These people are making those decisions.
What happens is coming back from a deployment like that, we got a lot of recognition for that. People come back from that experience and that was the highlight of my military career. There are other positions and other things that can take place within the military that perhaps would be above that. Coming back to the civilian world after a deployment like that, it’s like, “What can even come close to that?” That’s one of the biggest struggles that veterans often do have. We have rank, responsibility and leadership. When we come back into the civilian world, unfortunately, you have to start at the bottom in some ways. It’s very difficult for people who have been in situations where you were a leader.
I had three other soldiers who were under me. I was a team leader and protecting generals, hearing conversations that are only going to be listened to in those sorts of situations. For many veterans coming back from having that purpose and that mission, and coming into the civilian world is very difficult. Becoming a leader, it’s taking that leadership role. Being a leader too is defining that purpose and that mission in your life and it comes from you. It can’t come from somebody else. Being the leader of self or self-leadership can be lonely and difficult. Luckily, we have this ability to decide what’s the next step and that can be difficult in trying to figure out, what is next for me in my life? What next can be for the company and life in many different ways?
When I came back from my deployment from Iraq and even through my struggles of PTSD and anxiety, one of the things that helped me more than anything was to focus on a goal that I could be behind full force. Your father mentions this in his book where you’re as committed to your job as you are to your marriage that you go full in. There’s no exit route. You go all-in. That’s the case too in deciding what it is that you want. For me, at this point in my life, I hadn’t completed my higher education. Getting my college degree was very important for me. I began to focus on that intensely, where I ended up giving up a lot of things to complete my education. I continued going and I graduated with honors with my bachelor's. This was later on in life. I was 34 years old at the time and I continued my Master's degree.
It was that mission that I created for myself that was the next most important mission for me. It’s important for any leader to be making that decision of, “What else can I do in my life?” That military service defined me for that moment, but what can I contribute next? What can I become? What can I do next for me? For many people, it could be difficult. At the same time, it should be a great joy to be like, “I did that. I served my country. What can I do now?”
Those are all beautiful insights. For the people who are maybe in a bigger structure who are thinking, “I look at that and I love my time in, but I’ve loved my four careers after that.” We’ve all known people who left an industry or even the service, and you can only stay in 30 years. You can’t die there. It’s like retiring as airline pilots or from the government. You age out of the system. You want it to be a part of you but you defined it. It didn't define you.
It is interesting that you brought that up. I know for those of you that are military transitioning out or people thinking of hiring military if you're used to that collective collaborative camaraderie, and that’s why we love the military, when you get out on your own, it is different. You’ve got to tap into your self-drive. You’re not just getting orders. People will push back on your orders. That doesn’t happen in the military. For people coming out of the military, what is the next chapter? Although it was an incredibly high calling, so is what you do and what I do now.
I don’t look at any of the careers that I’ve had and I’ve worked in defense and the semiconductor industry. They were all beautiful things, but they were just a thing where I went and gave myself in a different context. I’m glad you brought that up because it is very different for people coming out. For me coming out and being in a little tiny business, it’s like, “Where’s my big budget? Where’s my Excel? Where’s my administrator?” It’s just me. If you’re not used to that and you don’t like calling your own shots, entrepreneurship is going to be very difficult, but you can get there. It’s interesting stuff, Anthony. Thank you.
We’ve talked about loneliness and I love how you gave us the tool of finding the mission and that next great thing. If you’re on this planet breathing, there’s always the next great thing. The next thing my father talked about after the loneliness is weariness. His point was that you’re going to be surrounded by people that do more or do less. We’re only human, even though we’re in fight and form. The group is only as refreshed and energized as the leader, so how do you deal with weariness?
Oftentimes as a leader, your father mentioned this too, it’s getting used to going the extra mile. Knowing that as a leader, there are going to be people who are going to buy into the mission and purpose. Some people may not always be 100% in. At the same time, going back to being that leader who can be able to move those that he or she are leading, to get the buy-in in that can be difficult. None of this that we’re sharing is going to be easy. Your father mentioned in his book that often you got to make those difficult decisions. At the same time, dealing with that comes down to our attitude and understanding that if leadership was so easy, everybody would be doing it.
In every industry, whether it’s the military or business, there are some people who are ready for promotions but they’re like, “No. I don’t want that role. I’m good where I’m at. I don’t want to get promoted.” It’s because they know not everyone is always going to like you. At the same time, it’s making that decision and making that way to support and bringing people into that mission. It can be difficult. As I mentioned, being a leader is not for everyone but understanding that being a leader grows you as a person. You’re not always going to make the right decisions in a sense but as your father brings it up, we are able to make better decisions based on poor judgment.
Leader Leadership: It’s important for any military leader to be making that decision of, “What else can you do in your life?” That military service defined you for that moment, but what can you contribute next? What can you become? What can you do next for me?
We’re able to get to the point where we can make a good decision. I wouldn’t be where I’m at now had I not grew and learned from situations in the military or as a civilian. The only way we can learn is by failing and we don’t want to think about failure. We don’t want to think about making the wrong decision. That’s why as a leader, you take in everything that you can that will help you in making the decision. You make a decision and you stand by that decision. There’s no wavering in that. There’s learning from it. We always learn. I make mistakes to this day and I learn from them, but it makes me that much better at what I’m trying to do. The only way to get better is by making decisions.
When that weariness comes in, there’s that doubt and insecurity. It does happen to leaders because we can find ourselves lonely at the top and especially in the military. There’s very little leeway in showing any kind of emotion. When you're indecisive in trying to make a decision, you can't let people know that this is difficult. There's this balance. We wouldn't want to take it to the extreme. I'm not suggesting that you take it to the extreme and we're alone in finding a way to deal with that difficulty. In dealing with it, one thing to have is that attitude of like, "I am a leader and I can make these decisions. I'm not going to be perfect in these decisions, but I'm going to take in the lessons learned along the way."
My company, STRONG is an acronym. The N stands for Never Give Up. That’s like an easy phrase, but the most important part of that is knowing you’re going to fail. It’s to look at failure in a whole different light because we're not where we are now if we did not fail. We learned to walk because we fell and we got back up. We went through that natural progression. We're able to make decisions and sound decisions based on things that we’ve learned and experienced, and the decisions that we’ve made in our life that help us now.
That’s why there’s something to say about being older. When we’re in our 20s and 30s, you can be wise and you could be intelligent. You have this education, but there is something about life experience. You haven’t had the time on this Earth to be confronted with different situations where you can learn from other people. When you go through it, I could tell you all day long about going through the Marine Corps boot camp, but it’s nothing like you going through it yourself.
The two things that you struck me are one, attitude. It’s going to happen. The military was such a great thing because it taught us that you get broken down to get built up. They didn’t just come in and start pinning medals on you. It’s like, "You were at the bottom of the rank, shut up. You don't know anything. Listen to the people who have been in longer and stay out of trouble." You're like, "I have a rank." You may have rank but you don't have experience. That's what I loved about the military. The other thing is growth is painful. I have a home gym but I hurt when I go down there because otherwise, you're not doing anything. You're more of the same.
The next thing he talked about was abandonment. His definition of abandonment was that we need to stop thinking about what we like and want to think about in favor of what we ought and need to think about. It was almost implying this focus. You know about the military, the fog and friction. You got to cut through all the crap and dial into the objective. Can you talk to me about how you deal with abandonment? Maybe how you work with some of your clients about getting that laser focus on abandonment and what it means.
I love reading books that were written back in the '50s, '60s and '70s. It’s quite interesting and I read it in your father’s where they were talking about people’s struggles and the things that people are going through at that particular point. It’s like, “It’s been the same thing.”
That’s what I tell people. We haven’t evolved to something different in many years. People are what people are. I love that quote. That’s a great point.
The difference is now we have so many things bombarding us and it’s so difficult. I think it would be so difficult to be a young person growing up with this technology and this access to just about everything. The thing for young people is they’re still learning this self-control. Anybody younger than 25, their brain isn’t fully developed. Their brain is there but it’s not where it finally gets on to the prefrontal cortex where it allows us to understand what we do today and how it affects us in the future. Men and women are different but for men, that doesn’t come until after their mid-20s.
Even as adults, one thing that we have to understand is that every single app you download, every single thing is meant and knows how to get your brain addicted to these things. Every sound you hear, every vibration, it’s getting your attention. Everything’s fighting for your attention. Just like what your father mentioned before, it’s getting state-focused. Imagine if we could step into that timeframe. We’d be like, “What did you have to get rid of? What was so difficult? You barely had a TV.” Nowadays, even for us as grown adults and fully functioning brains, it’s so difficult for us to abandon those things that aren’t going to help us. That becomes the skill of a leader, a parent and somebody in the military.
Leader Leadership: Every single app you download is meant to get your brain addicted to these things. Every sound you hear, every vibration, it’s getting your attention. Everything’s fighting for your attention.
It’s all facets of life because what’s happening right now with so many people is there’s so much information. They have information overload. We have this fear of missing out, so we have all these things that we’re following and we then end up getting sucked into these things that aren’t helping us in any way at all. For self-leadership, it’s deciding on what is it that you want to be influencing you? What is it that you do want to be giving your time to? We have to be disciplined in order to say no to whatever that might be. Even myself, I have found that in my own schedule where there are some things that I have been doing in the middle of the day, these courses and stuff that I’ve been taking up. It takes me out of my focus. I had to say, “I’m no longer going to do certain things at certain hours,” and that’s taken a little bit because I have also had that fear of missing out when I’m not following into these live courses and being able to be there live.
There were a few that I was focusing on but I’ve come to find out that those were pivotal hours where it’s in the middle of my most productive time during the day. I’ve had to make those adjustments and be like, “They’re going to be recorded. I can watch them later.” To take ownership of what it is that we want to be influencing us and taking that ownership of our day. Before it was like, "What books am I going to read? What things am I going to read?" Now it's like, "What things am I going to get rid of in order to keep me focused on what it is that I want?" and to know that it's all of us. It's not just any specific person. We're all bombarded with all this information. It's a matter of being that leader, that self-leadership skills that say, "Here's what I am going to do." It even includes getting rid of apps. It includes getting rid of whatever that is that the goal that you have set for yourself and continue to stay focused and eliminating anything that isn't supportive.
The O in STRONG stands for Optimize Your Environment. Everything you do and don’t do is all about the environment in which you live, where you live, where you work, where you play. Create an environment that is conducive and supportive to whatever your goal is. If you’re trying to lose weight, for example, you're optimizing your environment by not bringing in foods that are not supportive of you and your goal. If your goal is to spend more time with your family, it's getting rid of the TV that you have, whatever it takes for you. As a leader in making those decisions, your environment dictates everything you don’t do in your life. Unfortunately, the environment that we live in is going to dictate whether you go out and run at night. Whether you go out and enjoy the greenery and these sort of things. It’s everything you could think of like where you work.
When I was a health educator, I had a pull-up bar in my office. I created my environment to be supportive of my fitness goals. Anytime I was feeling sluggish or anything like that, I go and start doing a bunch of pull-ups. That was my environment. I had a little refrigerator that was in my office. The environment that I’m creating is I had fruits, vegetables, and protein and different things that I have access to. It wasn’t full of soda or sugary stuff or anything like that. I created my environment, whether it was my office or my home. Wherever I was, I created the best I could an environment that was completely supportive of what I wanted to accomplish in my life.
For our readers out there, I know everything that you said. I loved that you talked about your most productive hours because as entrepreneurs we all have the FOMO, “Anthony, I’m using this program, are you? What?” Now I’m off squirreling off looking at that. It’s important whenever I reach out. I met you on LinkedIn and reached out to a lot of people. Inevitably, I’ll get someone that comes back and says, “I love what you’re doing, but for the next six months, I’m all in on this.” I’d love that because it shows me that they are like, “Nope, blinders on. I’ll get to it later.”
I love that you talked about optimizing your time and creating that because there is a lot we have to let go of. Time sucks so much stuff out there. Soon, I’ll be off of social media entirely. I don’t need it. I didn’t need it ten years ago. I don’t need it now. I have another way for people to connect but it’s exhausting. That gets into the weariness and it takes time and money for me to put that stuff out there. It’s not my optimized work environment. I love that you dialed into your most productive time. You spoke a word to me because there are some things I’m supposed to be at now and I’m like, “I’m not going to feel bad about that. There are other things I need to get done first.”
The last one is vision. When I was little, I was telling you I grew up with these visionaries. They have a special frontal lobe cortex and my dad’s like, “No. They just see what needs to be done and do it.” Because if you don’t do it, you’re just talking about it. Can you tell me how you craft your vision? Your vision has changed like mine. You’ve had multiple careers. Share for me what vision means to you and how you get vision clarity.
The men that come to me are usually around in their late 30s and mostly in their early 40s. They’ve been into their career perhaps a couple of careers and they’re looking to make some changes in their life, whether it is to be a better husband, a better father, a better physical example or a healthier example for their children. It goes back to everything that we’ve already covered. With your vision, that’s what’s going to allow you of what decisions you end up making or what you allow to come into your spirit. A vision is what you’re working toward. A vision is how you see what it is that you’re working towards, what you’re putting your time into and not allowing anything to come in between that and to be able to stay focused.
I think it's motivation or being able to fall and get back up and to continue moving forward. Being able to continue to have that forward momentum. One of the biggest things and as I mentioned I work with men, but it pertains to everybody here on this planet where it's about creating that vision for yourself. Many times, we live this life without a vision. We go to work. We come home, wherever that might be, whether you're married and have kids or whatever. You fall into this pattern but there's no vision to it. There's nothing that leads us to make decisions based on that vision.
What is a vision? How can someone create that? It comes down to what is it that you want in this life. What is it that you want to accomplish? One of the things that I help men with is developing that leadership skill. As you and I both know, you can’t be the same leader in the military as the leader in your household. You can’t go and start telling people what to do. You can but it’s not going to work out long-term. Those are the different hats that we wear. It’s so interesting but there is a difference.
Having that vision and allowing yourself to create this idea and this vision of what it is that you want to accomplish in this life. There are different visions for different areas, whether it’s that career and what you want to accomplish, what kind of father you want to be. The thing that I work on with men is developing that leadership muscle. What I mean by that is oftentimes, fathers and men aren’t taking the leadership role in planning a day trip, planning a weekend trip. I mean planning it from A to Z. It’s taking that leadership role. You know your family, what they like and what foods they like to eat. It’s not necessarily being the dictator. It’s saying, “Honey, I’m planning a special weekend. Don’t worry about anything. Here’s what we’re going to be doing. Have a nice dress to go out for dinner.” Just taking that leadership role and making that happen at least once a year. On a Monday tell your wife, “On Friday, don’t plan anything because I’d like for us to go out for dinner. The kids have been taken care of.”
I’ve had this from experience in working with men, they don’t have that leadership muscle of being able to say, “Don’t worry about this. I’m planning everything. Just bring some clothes and have the kids ready on Friday,” whatever that might be, whatever that looks like for each individual whether they have kids or not. That’s important too. That goes along with the vision. If you want to be a better father and you want to be a better husband, it takes utilizing that leadership muscle to say, “My wife’s been cooking dinner for the last six months. I’m going to cook and I don’t know if it’s going to be the best, just relax tonight and I’m going to do my best.”
To do that leadership role and planning that weekend getaway, planning that day trip and not just putting that onto somebody else to take that leadership role in your home and your family, whatever that might mean. It’s going to be different for everybody. At the same time, not forgetting that you do play a leadership role in your marriage, in your family, in those sorts of things. Allowing yourself to understand that you have that leadership role and having that vision and then for your life and how you want your career to be. How you want your marriage to be and how you want that relationship with your kids to be. In addition to this and this is something I work with men all the time, having something for yourself. You’ve got to have something that brings you joy and happiness that’s outside of everybody else. Something that’s healthy and that you enjoy.
For me, it’s martial arts. I train in Brazilian jiu-jitsu. It's something that I will do now and tomorrow. It doesn't matter if I'm with somebody or not. That's something that I thoroughly enjoy. It's very important for both people when somebody is in a relationship, for both of them to have something that's apart from each other that they enjoy. I think It's important to have something that you both enjoy. Let's say you both love and enjoy hiking, but also for each person to have something where you are like, "That's my getaway. That's the thing that I do." It's so beneficial for both people involved in the relationship. That's just an example.
It’s also very important to have that understanding that you also need to take care of yourself. It doesn’t mean that the thing that you do enjoy outside that you have to do by yourself. I train in jiu-jitsu, not by myself. Somebody might enjoy going to yoga class, playing tennis, reading or walking, whatever that might be, but something that does bring joy and fulfillment outside of other people. It’s something that you’ll continue to do, whether you’re with somebody or not. It’s something that does bring you joy and happiness. That’s on the personal side. It’s very important to maintain that happiness.
The other thing that I work on men is you’ve got to take that ownership of your joy and happiness and not put it in the hands of another person. No one should ever be responsible for your happiness. It doesn’t mean that people don’t bring joy and happiness into your life, such as a spouse or kids and that’s great. That is true but there’s got to be something deep inside that you by yourself have something that brings you joy and happiness into your life that’s outside of everybody else. You’ve got to take that ownership and responsibility of your joy and happiness in your hands because we’re human people. People are going to let you down.
At the same time, no one should ever be responsible for somebody else’s happiness. It goes the other way around. It’s all about that leadership. That goes back to the vision. What is it that you want in your life in these different areas? It’s so important to never forget that there are different areas of being a leader and to understand that it does take some effort. It does take some getting things out, focusing and abandoning things that aren’t going to serve you in any shape or form.
I love that you talked about there are different sections of it. Man isn’t just a leader professionally, bringing home the bacon. It’s physical, spiritual, financial, health-wise and relation-wise. They always say, “If mom isn’t happy, nobody’s happy.” The same could be true. If daddy’s not happy, nobody’s happy either. I love that we talk about that you need to find what does it for you and brings you joy. They always say that the greatest relationships or the strongest marriages are two things. One, there are a lot of congruences. They like similar things and outlook, maybe faith-based. Opposites may attract but they don't stick together. Number two, that two people come together and are already complete. You’re not relying on the other person to make you something because nobody can do that. That’s something that comes from within. If you’d asked a woman, “What would do it for you or what would you like more of?” They’d be like, “Let me tell you. Here are a hundred different things.” What’s it like for men? What is it like to unpack for them? How do they get to that? What would bring them more joy in their life? What is that process? Can you take me through that?
For all of us, there are going to be different things for different people. For me, one of the things that I love is training in jiu-jitsu and that's for me. Other people would be like, "I have zero interest in any of that." When I came back from my deployment, I had been training in jiu-jitsu at this time. For me, I had gotten to the point where I want to see if there's some other sport that will complement the movements or whatever in this martial art. I took a tennis class. I didn't grow up playing and seeing tennis. It was something like, "I'm going to go outside my comfort zone in a sense that I don't know how I'm going to do or if this is going to even be good for me or whatever." I took a class and I absolutely loved it.
Another thing that I’ve always wanted to do is learn how to salsa dance, so I started taking salsa dancing lessons. I went by myself. When you’re trying to figure out these things, it’s allowing yourself permission to go and do things that you probably never would’ve thought to do like to take a salsa class or to try a martial art. I also tried yoga or did yoga. I thoroughly enjoy them, but at this time I was doing everything I could to help alleviate the PTSD symptoms and stuff. It was yoga, meditation and these different types of things that predominantly most men aren't going to be open to doing these sort of things. It's going to be different for everybody.
What I’d like to encourage people to do is to see what is it. Is there something that you’ve ever wanted to try? Is there something that you’ve ever wanted to experience and do? What’s so important is for people to find out what is something that does bring you that joy and happiness? In trying to explain that a little more, what is it that does bring you some feel-good feelings in a sense? I’m talking about things that are healthy. For some people, it might be going to the gym or joining a softball team. It is important to have something that does bring you joy and happiness.
The other point that I’d like to make and I know men struggle with this more is friendships. I’ve lost friends throughout the years, just from people going in different directions. As we get older and as we begin to lose friends, it becomes very difficult. Women are a bit better at maintaining friendships and maintaining that connection with other women. For men, we fall short on this and it’s very unfortunate because studies show that our social health is as important as eating healthy and this is so important.
I've talked to so many lonely men. They have very few friends if any friends at all. As we get any kind of friendship, it takes work. We have to pick up that phone and call the friends even though maybe he hasn't called you at all. We're like, "If he doesn't call me, I'm not going to call him." Everybody's busy. What I encourage men to do is we've got to work and be better at maintaining friendships and maintaining that social health. That could be that thing. Do I plan to do jiu-jitsu all my entire life? Who knows? I hope I can do it for a very long time.
The one thing that will always stick around is the conversation and having a connection with people and that will never go away. We’ll be 80 and 90 years old and there’s nothing that we would probably want more than somebody to talk to. We have to work at maintaining those relationships, no matter how busy we are. We talk about vision and how you create your life and having a close friendship. Having close friends requires work. It requires getting together, requires having deep conversations and those don’t happen overnight.
One of the things that are so important, especially in the struggles that I see with men is they want to be better fathers. They want to be better husbands but they don't have anybody to talk to in wanting to achieve that. That is so important for men to understand. It’s for everybody. The whole year of not having interaction with people and having to distance ourselves, we can’t wait to get back to the day where we can start hugging people. As humans, we thrive in human communication and that interaction. Isolation is the worst thing that we can do to ourselves. There are chemicals that are released in our brain we isolate ourselves that make us more susceptible to anxiety, depression and these sorts of things. We need that human connection.
Especially for men, when we have these struggles and we isolate ourselves. Men are very good at isolating themselves, unfortunately, but we’ve got to continue to maintain close friendships. Close friendships require work. I strongly encourage everyone to understand that close friendship doesn't just happen. They happen as a result of spending that time together, going through experiences or shared experiences or whatever that might be. That's a very important thing for all of us, but I know in working with men and being a man myself, it's so easy for us to isolate ourselves and try to man up and battle it ourselves. You can only survive so long by yourself. You and I both know in the military, even the elite of the elite are strong when they are together. Alone, they’re like just you and me.
Sometimes we think vision is this thing where we have to go seclude like a hermit or a monk on the hill. It is a collaborative thing because people are going to see things in you. You need them as sounding boards and that’s important. Thank you for that and for sharing the male perspective on that. That is a great insight because once men get outside of work, it’s like where is that band of brothers that you have who can help you deal with health issues or relationship issues? I had a lot of people who say, “He doesn’t have anybody outside of work.” I’m like, “I know you’re a dude but this is not good for anybody.” It’s not right for us. Anthony, you’ve been sharing so many great insights about this. What else about leadership would you like to leave with our readers?
In leadership, I know your father mentioned that it’s not the titles that we have of ourselves. It’s understanding that whether you are the leader in a company, in the military and in all these things, whether you are or not, you are a leader of yourself. That is the most important. No matter what it is, whatever title you have in this life, you are first a leader of yourself. Know that you are the leader of your life and take that ownership. Be in the driver’s seat of your life and realize that life is great. You mentioned you’ve had 3 or 4 careers. It’s so incredible that we can have that option of doing different things.
I’ve had this desire of being a coach for a very long time. It felt that it was going to be something that was going to do. Many years ago, I started working towards being a life coach. At that time, I didn’t feel like I had anything to give. Being a coach can be that little bit of a struggle. At that time, I feel like I didn't have enough life experience, education, background or whatever that might be. There are lots of changes in many years. My views have changed, but to understand that you are a leader of yourself. Lead yourself first and when you can lead yourself, then you can lead others.
I often like to take a little bit of the briefing of the airline industry and say, “You’ve got to put the mask on yourself first.” This is not about being selfish. Don’t get me wrong. There are responsibilities that we have. It’s not saying, “I’m gone,” when you’re married and have kids. You are like, “I’m going to start taking care of myself.” Work it out how it may be for you or your situation. It’s not a sense of you starting to be selfish. It takes a little bit to say, “I’m going to start doing some things for myself,” and that should be okay. You should do some things that are for you. It’s having something that does bring you fulfillment outside of everything else.
Leader Leadership: Create an environment that is conducive and supportive to whatever your goal is.
Just understand that being a leader, you’re a leader of yourself first. Take that ownership and create that vision of the different areas of your life that you want to improve. Start where you're at. It doesn't matter how old you are or where you're at. You have this moment forward and it's not about what I should've, could've, would've done. It's about taking ownership of this moment right here and creating the future that you want to have and start. There are different areas of your life. Maybe everything is perfect except your finances, so build your financial intelligence. If it's physical, focus on physical health and nutrition.
I had a consultation with a man and he was able to reverse his type 2 diabetes. I’m like, “I’m not sure you need a coach.” You have the discipline. Type 2 diabetes is reversible, for everyone who’s reading. It is 100% reversible. There were some other things that he was struggling with but that’s okay. We all can improve in different areas of our life. It’s a matter of like, “Maybe this year you want to focus on being a better father. Maybe this year you want to be focused on being a better husband. Maybe this year you want to take on some other challenge.” It’s your life. Be that leader. Take that leadership role and make it happen.
I love that you talked about that desire and like you, I wanted to be a writer ever since I was a little girl. That didn’t happen until many years later, but I always had the calling, the anointing. You’ve got to wait until you’re equipped. The equipping sometimes come but I love the street smart things. My dad would tell me that, “Tracey, you’ve got to earn your stripes.” He was never in the military, so I’m like, “I’ll go into the military.” I love that you talked about, “Stop trying to change the world, change yourself.” What a beautiful coach statement. Everything you have is already within you. It’s just getting to work on yourself. Anthony, how can people find out about you? I’m sure our readers would love to connect with you. Maybe some are looking for a tremendous coach and I have been enthralled as I’m sure with what you’re saying. How can they get in touch with you?
They can reach me and find me at my website at StrongMenCoaching.com. It’s the best way to get ahold of me and see or read a little bit more about me or what I do.
Anthony, thank you so much for sharing your perspective and you are a beautiful testimony to what you’ve come through and how you’re using your experience to form the core excellence and expertise to help others. Thank you so much.
Thank you for this opportunity. I appreciate it.
You’re welcome. For our readers out there, if you like what you heard, be sure and hit the ding button or the subscribe button. If you do us the honor of a five-star review, we would be so tremendously thank you. Drop us a note. We answer all the comments in there. Make sure you share this with other people and also make sure you download your free copy of The Price of Leadership. Come on over to TremendousLeadership.com and get two free weeks of eBooks. We’ve got hundreds of interviews with tremendous leaders like Anthony. To all our leaders out there, thank you so much for paying the price of leadership. Have a tremendous day.
Important links:
LinkedIn - Anthony Treas
About Anthony Treas
Anthony Treas served 8 years in the U.S. military and is an Iraq War veteran. After his deployment to Iraq, Anthony struggled with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Inspired by his mental health struggles, he launched the STRONG Men Podcast to provide men with empowering messages to thrive in their health, wealth, and personal performance. His company, STRONG Men Coaching, provides group and personal coaching, business consulting, and marketing services.